Discussion "Fuck it, why not? I'll kill myself soon anyway." Anyone else?

[Ratherbeskinny]

- "Food? Yeah fuck it, why not? I'll kill myself soon anyway so it doesn't matter anymore."

- "Starving? Yeah fuck it, why not? I'll kill myself soon anyway so it doesn't matter anymore."

- "Spending all my money on stupid stuff or shit I don't need? Yeah fuck it, why not? I'll kill myself soon anyway so it doesn't matter anymore."

- "Skipping school and/or work and (might be) getting fired? Yeah fuck it, why not? I'll kill myself soon anyway so it doesn't matter anymore."

- "Laying in bed all day, neglecting myself and those around me? Yeah fuck it, why not? I'll kill myself soon anyway so it doesn't matter anymore."

- "Slashing up my arms and legs to cope with all the pain? Yeah fuck it, why not? I'll kill myself soon anyway so it doesn't matter anymore."

Etc. Etc. Etc. These are just a few examples, but I hope you get the point.

Does anyone relate and if you do, please tell me why.

 

[Reyki6667]

Yes, because I realized everything was useless after 2 psych wards hospitalisation ia row were useless...
caring about life became meaningless....
And you already know what await you is death.
for me at that stage I know that I will never a proper life and what related to life and future are meaningless.

 

[Crystal Labeija]

I've been doing this for months.

 

[passenger27]

I never realized how many zillions of "I don't give a fucks" there were till I decided to ctb.

 

[EndItQuickly]

I have been putting my rent/expenses on a credit card in my name only with a huge credit limit(mostly to free up extra money for my spouse after the act) and bought a few shiny toys for myself and quit school(no one knows but me). Gonna be a world of shit if I don't go through with it; though, I see it as encouragement to find the strength to finally end it.

 

[trynacbt]

I think of it whenever I feel regret/pain/loss in the wake of a relationship that *I* ended because I felt inferior/not good enough for the other person. Sigh. I think, it's okay. I won't have to live with this much longer. Gonna kill myself soon.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Never smoked a cigarette in my life until yesterday. I smoked 8. I was smoking all day and this was exactly what I was thinking. I drank a whole bunch too and same thoughts..

 

[EndItQuickly]

Never smoked a cigarette in my life until yesterday. I smoked 8. I was smoking all day and this was exactly what I was thinking. I drank a whole bunch too and same thoughts..

Picked up vaping nicotine as well, I kinda like it lol

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Picked up vaping nicotine as well, I kinda like it lol

I don't have an addictive personality but it kind of made me feel good. I've smoked nicotine before, but through a vape as well. Gave it up 'cause I got bored of it. I probably won't buy my own pack, my friends provided me the smokes but damn, I felt alright when I was smoking.

 

[Woodnote]

That describes this whole year for me. I just stopped caring about myself.

 

[Return2Dust]

I have been putting my rent/expenses on a credit card in my name only with a huge credit limit(mostly to free up extra money for my spouse after the act) and bought a few shiny toys for myself and quit school(no one knows but me). Gonna be a world of shit if I don't go through with it; though, I see it as encouragement to find the strength to finally end it.

I'm low key sending you a high five for doing the stuff I thought about. With my luck, I would f up my attempt and be stuck cleaning up my mess.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Contrarily, I'm the opposite. It's because *I know* I am going to be departing from the mortal realm soon, that I feel relieved and I'm not slouching and unproductive. In fact, I've made several preparations and saved several documents in a folder so that my parents could see why I've decided to CTB. I will leave both of my computers unlocked.

When they eventually fly over to this state, that is. They won't see it coming.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

I have way too much anxiety to do this, because if by the off chance I do not end up CTB, then I have made a bigger mess of my life and that could be a problem.

Because until I am actually dead, I am still forced to live in a society and be subjected to society's constraints.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I have way too much anxiety to do this, because if by the off chance I do not end up CTB, then I have made a bigger mess of my life and that could be a problem.

Because until I am actually dead, I am still forced to live in a society and be subjected to society's constraints.

I feel you. I've made too many mistakes and fucked up too many times in this god forsaken life. I could have had a very bright future, but I threw it all away. People gave me plenty of chances to improve. They all tried to help. But what I did do? Screw it all up. Ugh.

What's the use of feeling regretful for your actions if nothing you do could fix them? It's pointless. I want out of this hellhole. I'm tired of this life, now that all my aspirations are gone.

 

[Dishonorable]

you took the words really right out of my mouth! this is exactly how I feel rn. I got the "I don't care anymore" .

it kinda scares me though that maybe I will not have the guts late minute too really ctb but at the same time I am thinking "maybe if I fck my life up even more, maybe then it will be easier to ctb".

 

[sonax22]

Yup same thing here..I keep doing this and consequences came piling up till I figure out I'm still not gone so I'm gonna have to deal with what I've brought on myself..funny enough I keep doing that still knowing I might still be here to face the outcomes but I just don't care anymore..

 

[noaccount]

This is very real.
What kind of experiences might we prioritize once we're not primarily thinking we need to survive at all costs and succeed in society?
For me some transformative moments have come through unlikely connections, chosing dangerous and uncertain paths. Hitchhiking across the country, writing to artists I felt compelled by, letting old mystical texts be more significant to me than my job or housing.
I admire people who choose not to go passively. Remember when that old man in Tacoma decided to spend the last of his life stopping raids that were putting kids in cages?

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yep. I've been this way since May. Going to be blowing all my government cheddar on escorts pretty soon.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yeah, to a degree. One runs out of fucks the closer one is to death.

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I have been trying so hard, but watching everything i own slowly drain away from my life for 3 years. and now im close to homeless and dirt broke.

I wish i had been this way 2 years ago when i was dealing. surrounded by feel good drugs and making a grand a day. i paid off my ex wifes debts and bought her a car instead. If you are gonna die, live for yourself in the meantime.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Idk minor stuff like food etc but honestly I never even got an education, a job, or organized my life in anyway because ever since I turned 16 I was sure that 'Ill just kill myself anyway so why should I care or make any effort'