Venting From dissociating to spiralling as I wait

[NaNo210]

Well my SN has taken far longer to arrive than expected. I suppose I should have ordered it last year, and kept it on hand just to be safe. So now I find myself having to do things I wasn't expecting to have to do (I'm just spinning my wheels to maintain the bare minimum of normal to fly under the radar rn).

One of these things involves travelling to the place I actually class as my home (i.e away from 'family' and where I have some decent memories). It's bittersweet as I would've liked to have visited one last time, but I'll be returning back to hell after. I'm worried about my reaction there, whilst being isolated I've managed to suppress most emotion, but even the thought of going back immediately starts bringing tears. I'm worried I'll be impulsive whilst I'm out there and ruin my more peaceful plans (thanks BPD).

Seeing as I'm planning to go very soon, I could just completely bail, I won't have to live out the consequences of not going. That way I could maintain my peaceful bubble. But my mother is screaming about it, and I'm having emails and calls pressing me about things and last time I was under identical circumstances I felt backed into a corner and went into impulsive escape mode again which nearly placed me in hospital.

Why is it in the past I could get questionable packages from another continent within days, but ordering a legal meat curing salt takes weeks and I'm spiralling .

 

[Flippy]

Maybe the Christmas rush has delayed your order of SN. Before Christmas when I was feeling "well" I ordered some stuff for my hobbies. I really felt like I was going to immerse myself in something I enjoy. But Christmas day my mood went through the floor :-( Then I started receiving my packages in the new year and all I could think was "wow, I was really looking forward to getting this..." They took their time to arrive, things that should have taken longer arrived the same time as priority shipped packages. Not sure what to make of that really I hope that your package will arrive soon, and that just having it will help. I hope that things will get better for you and you won't feel you need to use it. :-)

 

[NaNo210]

Maybe the Christmas rush has delayed your order of SN. Before Christmas when I was feeling "well" I ordered some stuff for my hobbies. I really felt like I was going to immerse myself in something I enjoy. But Christmas day my mood went through the floor :-( Then I started receiving my packages in the new year and all I could think was "wow, I was really looking forward to getting this..." They took their time to arrive, things that should have taken longer arrived the same time as priority shipped packages. Not sure what to make of that really I hope that your package will arrive soon, and that just having it will help. I hope that things will get better for you and you won't feel you need to use it. :-)

It's probably a bit of residual holiday rush. I had a search around some threads here, as other people used the same source, and it seems to have taken quite long well before the holiday season too. My only fear was seeing a couple of people who's packages got 'lost' and never arrived. I ordered some other things too during December, I expected to only be arriving now but got them within 4 days. Panic sets in as sources are slowly disappearing for where I am. I'm sure I'll find more again if anything goes wrong though.

I'm sorry about Christmas, my mood dropped drastically around then too, caught me off guard but that's how it goes :(