From 1-10 how close are to CTB

[hmnow]

I put myself at 9.

I am just waiting for that urge of impulsiveness to push me thru SI and release me forever

 

[DarkFriend.]

Idk. I want to say high. Like 6 or 7. Not where I'd quite do it, but I may just start ordering the materials here soon . . .

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish I could be close as all I want is the peace of non-existence where there is no more pain and no more suffering with all gone and forgotten, I always suffer so much from being trapped in this horrific anti-suicide prison world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what.

There's just so much horrific extreme cruelty in how humans are forced to suffer in this existence I just always saw as a mistake, I just want to be free from the terrible, torturous burden of existence, all that existence ever does is cause all this cruelty and suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, it's just so terrible how this existence was imposed at all causing all this dreadful suffering as a result.

 

[Autumn Blaze]

Pretty high, like an 8. I'm starting to feel at peace with the idea of dying and not as frantic.

 

[Casoperso]

I would say an 9. It depends if some events of my life turn out to be good or bad.

 

[bellaisdonewithlife]

I don't know. Before these last few days I was probably an 8 and didn't know if I could ever go through with it because of my crazy SI, but the last few days were rough mentally so I'd probably say I'm a 9 now.

If it wasn't rough, I wouldn't have gone out one night and bought all the supplies for charcoal CO. I just couldn't get a handheld CO meter in stores anywhere. Now I feel like it may only a matter of time before I finally get to a 10.

 

[myquest]

7

 

[Ben111]

Im on 7 just wish I was never born in this shitty place

Im on 7 just wish I was never born in this shitty place, everyday is just the same.. Im just done with life

 

[hdead]

Somewhere around a 5 or 6. It's a daily practise for me now, but I am not in the position to do it. Stuff needs to be done, still. I doubt if I'll ever find the guts, or if the situation gets bad enough. Weirdly enough, at the end of each day when I drink some whine and pop an oxazepam or two I kind of feel okay enough to not think about suicide.

But when reality kicks in, usually in the morning, I start wishing to be exited after a few seconds and it drives me completely nuts.

I've had moments where I was at like an 8 or a 9, but I fear it, so I don't act on it. I've decided that I would not do such an act on impulse and that I truly need to be ready, confident, courageous. Might take a while.

Also I remember making a pact with some higher power that I'd die in my sleep within two years. I hope that was real. Maybe I was just talking to myself, but a man can dream, right?

 

[pk@2001]

9.5

 

[selfkillermachine]

Very hard question, honestly I dont feeling surviving that would make me say 8-9 year but there something holding me up thats make to 5-6

 

[BillyBob]

Probably about a 8-9. I would love to just get the final push to CTB. Hopefully that will happen sooner than later.

 

[suncide10]

6

 

[itsgone2]

In theory 10.
I've thought about it for 9 months. I'm ok with the decision. But I'm a coward.

 

[nosense-user]

9-10

 

[deadhannah]

9-10
Maybe I can do it next week.

 

[pika401]

probably about a 6, ironically this forum is making me feel better

 

[thankyouforthis]

8. -1 because of failed past attempt and -1 because of a handful of people who would be very sad.

 

[Tautochrome]

Maybe 5 because I'm still waiting to obtain the method I'd be okay with, and after I have it, I'll give life one more chance, run a victory lap in this new state.