this reminded me of something, when I was a kid (preschool - elementary school) everything and everyone would say "be yourself, do what you love, who cares what others think". but then I started growing up and the argument against me, my actions or even thoughts "what would others think" was more and more common, needless to say, it very much confused me.
and now, here I am, planning my suicide and my biggest worry is "what would others think".