Former member of SMH - intro

[Zaljko]

Hey everyone -

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to everyone. I was a member of SMH from 2014 until it got shut down and since that time I've had no place to really talk about the concerns that *we* face.

I had purchased N from A in 2014 and had hoped to use it but sadly couldn't get up the courage. As always with us, seems I'm right back in the type of situation where I'm feeling the need to CTB. Problem is now that I don't have the N any longer - expiration was noted to be 2016 but I had it for several years afterwards - unfortunately in the course of moving several times it seems to have disappeared … I see we have access to the PPeH here - thankfully - but of course the global supply of N is now down and it seems reliable sources are questionable.

I really counted on eventually being able to use N to CTB, but if indeed it is now more difficult / impossible to attain, I'm not really sure what I will do. I've thought about firearms, but the possibility of failing in some way (not to mention the trauma to those I care about who would have to find me if I do succeed) has thus far dissuaded me from that option.

Anyway … just wanted to say a little about myself and why I am here, for those who don't know me (which I'm sure is everyone) and it would be interesting if there were any former members of SMH here, though given the circumstances of our coming together on these forums, I would doubt many are still around.

Look forward to seeing you all around and hopefully I can be a positive influence (such as if is, for us).

 

[WaitingForMyRide]

I hope this N issue resolves itself and a new vendor comes into the works. I think D is burnt. Nice to meet you btw, I'm a new member also.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's unfair how planning suicide can be difficult and complicated. N does certainly sound like the ideal method to me, those who have N certainly are lucky. Best wishes.

 

[flyaway]

Hey, I was also on SMH but wasn't really an active member, have mostly been lurking. Still nice to see someone who also belonged there. Getting N is really hard right now but there are still other reliable methods like SN. It's probably the most popular alternative to N and it's easier to obtain. I hope everything works out for you no matter what you decide.

 

[Zaljko]

Hey, thanks for the reply - I can't say I remember too many usernames from SMH - wish it was still around so I could at least see who used to be there.

Anyway, I'll have to read up on SN, appreciate the info. PPeH seemed to indicate after taking it that it was like 40 minutes to CTB… at least it would be quick, but hopefully as reliably effective as N…

It's unfair how planning suicide can be difficult and complicated. N does certainly sound like the ideal method to me, those who have N certainly are lucky. Best wishes.

Agree. Mental health field cares about keeping people alive but that's it. It's all about liability. Therapists can be sued if they are "negligent" in preventing suicide but there's no penalty for them convincing an actively miserable person to be alive but constantly suffering (in fact they prefer this outcome). Very sad.

I hope this N issue resolves itself and a new vendor comes into the works. I think D is burnt. Nice to meet you btw, I'm a new member also.

Thanks for the welcome . I will have to familiarize myself with the new vendors. Seems the one I knew has long since stopped selling and our new options are so much more limited (and questionable).

Anyway nice to meet you also, I don't get a ton of time to post for versions reasons but I'll try to reply to anyone who directs anything to me eventually

 

[k1w1]

Hey, thanks for the reply - I can't say I remember too many usernames from SMH - wish it was still around so I could at least see who used to be there.

Anyway, I'll have to read up on SN, appreciate the info. PPeH seemed to indicate after taking it that it was like 40 minutes to CTB… at least it would be quick, but hopefully as reliably effective as N…

Agree. Mental health field cares about keeping people alive but that's it. It's all about liability. Therapists can be sued if they are "negligent" in preventing suicide but there's no penalty for them convincing an actively miserable person to be alive but constantly suffering (in fact they prefer this outcome). Very sad.

Thanks for the welcome . I will have to familiarize myself with the new vendors. Seems the one I knew has long since stopped selling and our new options are so much more limited (and questionable).

Anyway nice to meet you also, I don't get a ton of time to post for versions reasons but I'll try to reply to anyone who directs anything to me eventually

Former SMH member here...welcome

 

[freedompass]

Hey everyone -

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to everyone. I was a member of SMH from 2014 until it got shut down and since that time I've had no place to really talk about the concerns that *we* face.

I had purchased N from A in 2014 and had hoped to use it but sadly couldn't get up the courage. As always with us, seems I'm right back in the type of situation where I'm feeling the need to CTB. Problem is now that I don't have the N any longer - expiration was noted to be 2016 but I had it for several years afterwards - unfortunately in the course of moving several times it seems to have disappeared … I see we have access to the PPeH here - thankfully - but of course the global supply of N is now down and it seems reliable sources are questionable.

I really counted on eventually being able to use N to CTB, but if indeed it is now more difficult / impossible to attain, I'm not really sure what I will do. I've thought about firearms, but the possibility of failing in some way (not to mention the trauma to those I care about who would have to find me if I do succeed) has thus far dissuaded me from that option.

Anyway … just wanted to say a little about myself and why I am here, for those who don't know me (which I'm sure is everyone) and it would be interesting if there were any former members of SMH here, though given the circumstances of our coming together on these forums, I would doubt many are still around.

Look forward to seeing you all around and hopefully I can be a positive influence (such as if is, for us).

I'm also a former member of SMH (some fond memories of those days, weird I know) and got N around the same time. I too didn't ctb and no longer have it. Which I suppose shows that SI is still an enormous hurdle regardless how peaceful the method.

thanks for the reply - I can't say I remember too many usernames from SMH - wish it was still around so I could at least see who used to be there.

Lol the only one I can remember was TopMyself, the guy who posted videos of him barbecuing sausages…

 

[Euthanza]

I have heard ASH before, but what is SMH?

 

[freedompass]

I have heard ASH before, but what is SMH?

It was a Google group called Suicide Methods Hideout

 

[k1w1]

I'm also a former member of SMH (some fond memories of those days, weird I know) and got N around the same time. I too didn't ctb and no longer have it. Which I suppose shows that SI is still an enormous hurdle regardless how peaceful the method.

Lol the only one I can remember was TopMyself, the guy who posted videos of him barbecuing sausages…

Hiya, It was a really great group. A massive difference in just 5-6 years. Those with a motivation were out as soon as they had the info about the vendor. It is very surprising that in this world where narcotics can be bought by the kilogram, there is only ONE individual selling it!!!!! Do others marvel at this also? With that in mind, that stuff is not the only game in town. Drug cocktails are remarkably effective as anyone with any experience of them will know.

 

[lifeisadream]

Hiya, It was a really great group. A massive difference in just 5-6 years. Those with a motivation were out as soon as they had the info about the vendor. It is very surprising that in this world where narcotics can be bought by the kilogram, there is only ONE individual selling it!!!!! Do others marvel at this also? With that in mind, that stuff is not the only game in town. Drug cocktails are remarkably effective as anyone with any experience of them will know.

How things have certainly changed. Find it remarkable how technology etc moves on yet easily topping yourself gets more restrictive & harder as the years go by.