I'm so sorry you feel hopeless. I don't know your disease, or why you are feeling hopeless. All I can ask is if you have tried everything; including natural things a doctor wouldn't know about. But, I totally understand how you feel if it IS hopeless, and you feel you will be living through a nightmare before you get old, which is, for so many, me included, the biggest nightmare I ever could have dreamt. When one is old, and has all kinds of physical challenges, increasing endlessly, and you are alone, I have certainly come to terms with ending life. Maybe even more so, because I remember enjoying life.
It's not the worst disease around but equally it's not a thing i can easily ignore. I have Essential Tremor, a neurological disorder, in the same spectrum of Parkinson's, although not as serious.
I understand. Knowing it will worsen is awful, and most of society doesn't know how to overlook a disability, to the real person. They are able to accept things they are very familiar with like a wheelchair, or blindness, but you're in a position where you can't explain. I'm a nurse who has used my ending times to researching natural treatments. I happen to have seen an add for a new medicine that treats Parkinson's disease. I would research natural remedies geared to you neurological issue if you want to, PM me if so. Wishing you the best.
I am totally right there with you. A part of me wants to stay alive, but I feel the reason will only lead to more pain so my cbt is partly a self murder.... I have to kill that part.... so there is the conflict. Wanting to stay alive to perpetuate the dream that got me into this mess in the first place seems like a trap. Im not going to stay here in the hopes of "finding true love" to cbt in the face of this drive & desire is hard. .. but i recognize its bullshit. This world needs people who want to GIVE to it, not take. Even tho technically i would be giving love.. its still a selfish endeavor. If i wantedto stay cause I wanted to build an orphanage or something like that, maybe id fight the urgeto ctb. But its percisely the temptation to stay to satisfy my childish selfish desire is proof I need to off myself, Why shoyld i stay alive to try and get "one more hit" ? Its breaks what tiny piece of heart i have left. Its hurts ao much... I have to fight against the huge sense that keeps saying " I wont let go till Ive expetinced it once.... just ONE TIME... I want to know what its like to experince MUTUAL love & chemistry.... To CTB with this unfulfilled desire teams up with my natural SI and makes me feel like I am forcing myself to board the bus.... Im acttivly planning.. I have no intention of stopping. Only a silly fantasy... that on my way to ctb, a handsome stranger and i will bump into each other lock eyes and live happily ever after.... And Id forever tellthe story of how I married the man who "saved" me the hour I was to commit suicide... well there you have it.. seriously, methinks the world needs people with loftier goals than that rubbish.... peace & love to all here...
I totally understand what you're saying. I want to live too but I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I'm 34 and I've had it since I was 20. I don't want to die but I just can't live or exist like this anymore. The physical pain is unlike anything I've ever felt an no one but those who are suffering from CRPS could understand. It's actually known as the Suicide disease. My friend who had it killed herself 3 years ago. All I want is to live a beautiful life on my terms but it seems that isn't in the cards for me. No nothing has helped me to come to terms with it. No matter how bad someone wants to die I don't think they're ever really ready to do it. It's the natural human instinct to fight for survival. But I've been planning this for a while and taking the steps I need to take to do it. It's just matter of when.
I can relate to your situation. I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I'm 34 and I've had it for 14 years. So I got sick at 20. Knowing I can't control my body pisses me off. No one could imagine the physical pain I'm in unless they have this disease my friend had it and she killed herself at 31. We would have been the same age today if she were here. I wish I had the balls she had. I have it inside my ears, head, face, neck, vaginal area, as well as other placesc I can't talk because it hurts my ears and head too much and I can't listen either. I can't go outside because regular noises are too painful. The doctors have never met a crps patient who has it in the ears. I've been in isolation for 14 years unless I've been in hospitals or doctors offices. It's a degenerative disease and it's gotten much worse over the years. I'm in pain non stop. I've never known love and that breaks my heart that I never will. My future is a future of pain and isolation. I feel like I'm in solitary confinement for a crime I didn't commit. I've tried everything to help myself. 7 years into this I was actually given the correct diagnosis. And there is only one thing to do which is a ketamine infusion and that didn't work for me. Pain meds barely help. I really wish Dr. Kevorkian was still alive so he could end my life. All I'd have to do is pull a string. I wish you peace. How old are you?
She's feeling hopeless because what she has is most likely a degenerative disease and she is only going to get worse.
Wow, you did get sick very young as well. I don't think you lack empathy. You're being very kind and compassinate to me. I've gotten to the point where I lack empathy for people too. The people that have silly little problems in their lives and don't know what real pain and misery is.
You took the words right out if my mouth. It's like you're saying what I'm thinking.
Same here. The longer I'm here, the worse I get. Tired of friends and their "positive" affirmation s. Don't they know that only works for people with normal problems?
Doctors caused my condition too. They should be responsible and mercy kill the patients they ruin
Your story sounds EXACTLY like mine. I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I've had it for 14 years now and I'm 34 so I missed out in living my entire adult life. Yes just like you I'm already dead. I'm not living I'm just existing. I've gotten so much worse over the years and am guaranteed to get worse. There is one treatment that they do to try and help this but it didn't work on me. I have no quaity of life either and have to be taken car pe of by my mother because there are so many things I can't do. Do you mind if I ask you what you are suffering from? If you want to orivste message me on here feel free. Just so you know who you're talking to my name is Audriana.
Yes, I've just tried to accept that I got dealt a bad hand and there's no way I'll ever have a decent quality of life. I have nothing to look forward to besides homelessness, jail/prison, or destitution. I wanted to go out before I'm older, even more poor, lonely, and isolated.
