• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block.

Cockney_Rebel

Cockney_Rebel

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Jan 7, 2021
455
As per the title?

Myself, I absolutely love the buildup. The research, the planning, the logistics, the daydreaming, the fantasising.

By the time it's a green light, you just go into autopilot.

I love the whole process.
 
  • Like
Reactions: FractalTears, hybridtheory and weepingfree
E

eve2004

DEAD YESTERDAY
Aug 17, 2019
591
i always have a few plans... I'll get caught up with a particular one and keep "working" on it (ie testing it) for a while to test the limits... The further I get, the better I feel... less stressed.... the more reassurance I have. Basically, this is how I pass my time when I'm in extreme distress, work on the logistics.
 
  • Like
Reactions: silent staring void, sawitontheground and Cockney_Rebel
Cockney_Rebel

Cockney_Rebel

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Jan 7, 2021
455
i always have a few plans... I'll get caught up with a particular one and keep "working" on it (ie testing it) for a while to test the limits... The further I get, the better I feel... less stressed.... the more reassurance I have. Basically, this is how I pass my time when I'm in extreme distress, work on the logistics.
Same.

I'm always researching.
 
E

eve2004

DEAD YESTERDAY
Aug 17, 2019
591
I like to skip a day in between to let whatever I did fully express itself or detox...
 
  • Like
Reactions: archipelago and Cockney_Rebel
hybridtheory

hybridtheory

kels
Jun 22, 2019
487
I enjoy the euphoric part before even planning it. That high you get when you come to terms with ctb and realize it's the right choice for you. And nothing else in the world matters because you have your mind set on dying, so all of the suffering and pain just finally escapes and you can be at peace. It's kinda like dissociating while on drugs plus riding a roller coaster, a fucking rush
 
  • Love
Reactions: Cockney_Rebel
Cockney_Rebel

Cockney_Rebel

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Jan 7, 2021
455
I enjoy the euphoric part before even planning it. That high you get when you come to terms with ctb and realize it's the right choice for you. And nothing else in the world matters because you have your mind set on dying, so all of the suffering and pain just finally escapes and you can be at peace. It's kinda like dissociating while on drugs plus riding a roller coaster, a fucking rush
Pukka response.
 
  • Love
Reactions: hybridtheory
Cockney_Rebel

Cockney_Rebel

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Jan 7, 2021
455
is it bad that i had to look up what pukka meant
i've never heard that before lol
Ha, I'm Cockney so just assumed you'd know what it meant!

Silly assumption really, as this is a global site.
 
  • Like
Reactions: hybridtheory
F

FogFilledLife

Student
Jan 6, 2022
164
Planning makes me horny. Execution I feel nothing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: No_Longer_Human
No_Longer_Human

No_Longer_Human

I'm coping I swear :)
Sep 9, 2021
4
The buildup/planning was absolutely terrifying, but there was something about it that was thrilling. The execution tasted awful and I was conscious and suffering for longer than I wanted to be. But I also kind of hated the execution because it felt like I was doing it more out of obligation than a heartfelt desire to die.
 
  • Like
Reactions: silent staring void
WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,429
The execution, because that means, I would have been able to persavere through survival instinct and guilt.

Planning just makes me anxious for it to be my time.
 
Gustav Hartmann

Gustav Hartmann

Enlightened
Aug 28, 2021
1,221
It sounds like autassassinophilia if the planning makes you horny, but I feel the same. In this case one should keep on planning and never execute.

When ends the planning and when starts the execution? How can I talk about the execution? I would say a failed attempt is part of the planning.
 
  • Like
Reactions: No_Longer_Human
.............

.............

Experienced
Mar 5, 2022
226
The planning felt euphoric, but the attempt made me feel worthless and terrified.
 

Similar threads

CumbriaCTB
Replies
5
Views
341
Suicide Discussion
homeboundcripple
homeboundcripple
noctilucent
Replies
1
Views
84
Suicide Discussion
R. A.
R. A.
damienlerone03
Replies
8
Views
634
Suicide Discussion
Unsure and Useless
Unsure and Useless
wordsworth
Replies
0
Views
111
Suicide Discussion
wordsworth
wordsworth
scary
Replies
30
Views
1K
Suicide Discussion
DirtCommie
DirtCommie