For the 1st time I saw another CTB individual

[voc_89]

I am currently on vacation leave from my job. So I do alot of well self-enjoyment. Gaming, eating, drinking (alcohol), etc. I haven't been on this forum for a while (apologies.... i was not in a right mind to give or receive advise)... but today... buying from a fast food restaurant I met someone. A woman... that had plenty of scars on her left and right wrists. I glanced it. And idk, maybe she saw that, and well read into my reaction that it was not a shock for me... considering the demeanor (LIFE IS EVERYTHING) in my country. I was very compassionate.... during my interaction with her. I stayed at the establishment for about 24 mins to get my order. And she was continuously checking up on me (leaving her station to attend to... imo... trivial matters of my order). Although I appreciated it. It freaked me out. Cause, for me, she was like. Yh... Yh I know it. U also like me (my country pretends to acknowledge CTB.. but really condemn those who raise it). Something (CTB ideation) I try my hardest to hide due to my background. But like she caught me. Based on the scars on her wrists she is def gonna CTB. I don't know her struggles but I sympathise with her. Just writing this cause again i realise from this experience, CTBs we all see one another. But for me, the scariest thing, is that I try to hide it cause if i don't it will ruin the lives of my family members. And it was scary. So scary. That this random person.... was like.... yh i see u. U one of us.....

 

[astr4]

it's weird, and i know i'm not using the word correctly, but i have a tendency to trauma bond with other people like that. like once i know they're suicidal or they have been suicidal in the past, i feel as though they are more trustworthy and authentic. i think on some level we must understand each other in a way that the majority of society does not. it makes me feel less lonely, even if i'm sad someone else is that miserable.