For how long have you been suicidal? How old were you when you had your first attempt?

[superbad]

As the title say, when did it start? If you have already attempted, how old were you? I started thinking about death at 9, became suicidal at 12-13, and first attempted at 17. Now I'm 18, and will probably attempt again soon, I dread going to college or getting a job.

 

[sterp]

I've been suicidal ever since i a was a child (9 or 10), my first attempt was earlier this year after my 18th birthday. i'm just waiting on my SN to get delivered so i can ctb properly this time.

 

[superbad]

I've been suicidal ever since i a was a child (9 or 10), my first attempt was earlier this year after my 18th birthday. i'm just waiting on my SN to get delivered so i can ctb properly this time.

I'm trying really hard to get SN, but I don't know where to find it in my country. They don't mail it, I need to pick it up in person in another city. This would mean travelling alone (nightmarish scenario to me) and risking getting questioned. I don't want to have the police called on me.

 

[siray]

You had it tough so early. May I ask how you failed your ctb attempt?

I became suicidal at around 12 years old, my days were devoid of joy and felt depressed and ugly all the time. And now I'm 24, can't believe I stayed alive all these years. School was horrible, and I've dropped out of 2 colleges. All because I wanted to buy myself some time to decide my CTB method.

The reason I haven't attempted CTB even once is cause I choose gun or jumping, no other method appeals to me. I will do it very soon, in a month or so. I feel sick to the core of my being.

 

[superbad]

You had it tough so early. May I ask how you failed your ctb attempt?

I became suicidal at around 12 years old, my days were devoid of joy and felt depressed and ugly all the time. And now I'm 24, can't believe I stayed alive all these years. School was horrible, and I've dropped out of 2 colleges. All because I wanted to buy myself some time to decide my CTB method.

The reason I haven't attempted CTB even once is cause I choose gun or jumping, no other method appeals to me. I will do it very soon, in a month or so. I feel sick to the core of my being.

I tried to attempt by psychiatric medication, my idea was throwing up so much I would die from dehydration. I went (forcefully) to the ER, I looked fine so they sent me home and told me to pass by the next day to talk to a therapist. The second I got home I started throwing up like crazy, couldn't even see, and my whole body was shaking. My family was very annoyed at me so they didn't take me to the hospital until 9am, which was the time I had to be in the hospital for my therapist appointment (if I didn't go they would send the police to my house.) They saw me and finally got care, if it was for my family I would have died. Sorry for blogposting like this haha.

Regarding to your suicide, I really hope you can find a way out you'll be content with, I trust you to find the right path (be it life or death, let yourself act on your own will.) May you go with peace, friend.

 

[Sra_TZ]

Owing to severe childhood abuse and neglect, I've probably been suicidal from about the age of 10. First attempt was at 12 (a stupid attempt but an attempt nevertheless). The fear of being taken away from home meant that I got real good at bottling stuff up and pretending I was fine. Got through highschool with good grades, got an okay job but the suicidal urges have always stuck by me.

 

[destiny]

First thoughts of wanting to die when I was 5 or 6. Active suicidal thoughts when I was 9, perhaps an attempt but I was a stupid kid so obviously failed. Led to institutionalization though, hooray, great way to set me up for a life of trauma and depression. Multiple attempts followed later on life. Can't remember the timeline.

 

[auror.]

11 never attempted

 

[siray]

I tried to attempt by psychiatric medication, my idea was throwing up so much I would die from dehydration. I went (forcefully) to the ER, I looked fine so they sent me home and told me to pass by the next day to talk to a therapist. The second I got home I started throwing up like crazy, couldn't even see, and my whole body was shaking. My family was very annoyed at me so they didn't take me to the hospital until 9am, which was the time I had to be in the hospital for my therapist appointment (if I didn't go they would send the police to my house.) They saw me and finally got care, if it was for my family I would have died. Sorry for blogposting like this haha.

Regarding to your suicide, I really hope you can find a way out you'll be content with, I trust you to find the right path (be it life or death, let yourself act on your own will.) May you go with peace, friend.

You went through this horrific experience, so sorry to hear. Hope your family doesn't remember it too vividly. And that you forgive yourself for the failed attempt.

I appreciate your kind words, my decision is final, death is the most ideal state for me to be in, my life is a never ending nightmare, I'll always feel sick in my fleshly prison.

 

[fiona apple juice]

I've been suicidal since around 8-9 years old, my first actual attempt was at 11 years old.

 

[Nigh]

22- first attempt. But at 5 years old I had an illusion/6 sense tell me that I would kill myself in my 30s, which was weird because I had little to no knowledge of suicide back then. But I am now in my 30s, and more depressed, and much more determined to kill myself than I've ever been.

 

[Bedrock48]

I think mine didn't develop until a little later than most. I'd say I first became suicidal at around 16 and attempted at 17.

 

[MeltedJello]

Before reaching age 18, I used to think that I would never become suicidal but I here I am now. Wasn't too surprised though because I felt that I was different than most people my whole life. Always have been the shy and quiet guy with no dreams, goals or interest in what life has to offer me. Recently turned 21 and will still continue to be suicidal until I end this pointless life. First attempt was partial at 18 but it was a shitty attempt with no practice so I tried again at 20 and almost passed out.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have been suicidal for a long time. I have never wanted to be alive and I have always struggled with living. For as long as I could remember I have just felt empty. I have never had a proper attempt, one day last year I reached the point of hopelessness and desperation and I wanted to leave but I did not have an proper plan. I tried to wrap a cord around my neck but I immediately did not like the feeling. I think I had my first thoughts at around 10-11 years and now I am 20.

 

[BrokenLine]

11 and 11.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

On-and-off since I was 13. Dozens of loonie bin visits.

 

[WaitWithoutHope]

I attempted when I was 14, and again at 17. I then went for 10 years without another attempt, until I once again tried to hang myself back in January.

 

[disasterplant]

I believe my suicidal thoughts started at the age of 12, but I think they manifested a while before then.

I remember holding a knife to my neck at the age of 9 or 10 during a fight with my mother. That's the earliest I remember for my suicidal urges.

They started getting more serious at the age of 13 and have only gotten worse since then. I don't remember if I've ever attempted, but I've never been so close now at the age of 19.

 

[seeker]

Since I was 12. I also tried to ctb when I was 12, but I was just thinking in starving and dying of lack of water and food.

 

[Craptastic]

I became suicidal when I turned 13. If you define attempt by doing something with the itent to kill yourself, I tried when I was probably 14, maybe even 13 to off myself by closing the kitchen doors and running the gas stove. I was told that the stove was very dangerous to keep on, so I thought it was carbon monoxide and came to the conclusion that would kill me. Oh how I was ignorant back then. More seriously I tried to OD on Tylenol, it was the only thing I had easy access to. Needless to say, that didn't work and I went to the hospital. The Tylenol did cause enough damage that there were increased liver chemicals in my bloodwork. My current plan is to jump off a bridge in the city. I have a ladder to get over the suicide barriers.

 

[Pisceslilith]

I've been suicidal since I was 11 due to childhood trauma, first attempt at 11. I wish I tried harder or my attempt succeeded so I wouldn't have to be here. My childhood is haunting me and I'm suffering a lot because of it. I'm so fucking tired.

 

[again_noidea]

well, i don't want to die, but I have to because life is just suffering and boredom due to health issues. I just can't do the things i need to do in order to life a worthwhile life in my own perception.

 

[forgotten15]

The first thoughts about wanting to end my life came up to my mind when I was around 5-6 years old. I have been phisically and mentally abused for years when I was a child so thats what triggered my desire to escape this shit life. Never got to actually do it because I just couldn't find a method that would guarantee me I would die…I still have the same feelings about life, never wanted to be here, so maybe one day it'll all end. This forum definitely helps :)

 

[suicidesheep31]

first attempt at 12 y old. I am 38

 

[LucieInTheDark]

I was suicidal since I turned 15, after repeating 10th grade. I used to be such a bright kid before that
I attempted suicide at 19 by placing a ligature on my neck. I don't remember how I got out of there since I passed out

 

[Sue]

I was suicidal since 6. Every Sunday, at Sunday school, I would silently pray for God to take my life away. I remember the teacher would tell us that God answers every prayer. I'd be upset that he never answered mine.

 

[Seiba]

Sixteen was first attempt, turning twenty two in a couple months.

 

[Chiisai]

I believe I became suicidal when I attempted around 9 or 10.

 

[cowboyy]

Never attempted. First thoughts of CBT popped up around 4-5 years ago (I was 18-19 then) when I was struggling with a detox from a pretty serious drug addiction. Wasn't a thing that I actually wanted, but an escape plan I guess, in case my mental health detoriates any further. Lately, with my mum's terminal diagnosis and an overall question mark describing the essence of my existence (not in a nihilistic sense, more like constant confusion on what the fuck I'm actually feeling if that makes sense?), the "visions" of off'ing myself with a bullet are back. Albeit still, it's not something I want or desire. For some reason imagining CBTing brings me comfort, it's almost like some sort of twisted therapy for all the bs I'm going through.

Sorry if this didn't make sense, I'm just pouring my half drunk heart out in the only real place regarding this shit that I managed to find.

 

[wastedtime]

As the title say, when did it start? If you have already attempted, how old were you? I started thinking about death at 9, became suicidal at 12-13, and first attempted at 17. Now I'm 18, and will probably attempt again soon, I dread going to college or getting a job.

Not sure if I should call this an attempt or not but when I was 13 I jumped off the balcony of my house and I'm not really sure why. I know I did it because of depression but I'm not really sure what I thought I would get out of doing it. I guess I could've died depending on how I landed, but I wasn't even thinking about dying. Somehow I came out with no injuries, not even a bruise, and I landed on a wooden floor. I've had 2 other near completed attempts I backed out of. Once when I was 16 I walked to a high way in the middle of the night and was waiting for a truck to come by close enough to hit me. When I was 17 I snuck under the fence to a radio tower and climbed 20 feet before turning around. If I had a better method back then I'm sure I would be dead now. I've had sn now for 3 months and am feeling a bit better, my mood fluctuates between slightly bad and neutral. I might actually end up dying of old age now.