First therapy session soon. What to say?

[Wren]

@Quarky00
Good advice all around, thanks.
Will come more prepared next time. She used a lot of "what makes you feel that way?" and similar vague prompts I despise and I couldn't express myself in a way I'd like.

 

[Quarky00]

She's exploring causes and symptoms which is okay , for example looking if there's intrusive thoughts or trauma .

I personally prepare a short list and write brief background next to each item (found it helpful for myself as well)

 

[WhyamIstillhere]

Hey, let me know if the medication (if any) you end up being prescribed helps with depersonalization. I infrequently have episodes of it, and it's unimaginably horrible, I couldn't imagine living with it longer than a day.

 

[Wren]

Hey, let me know if the medication (if any) you end up being prescribed helps with depersonalization. I infrequently have episodes of it, and it's unimaginably horrible, I couldn't imagine living with it longer than a day.

I didn't bring up depersonalisation. Because I didn't get a chance and partly because my case is mild and I believe I can do without meds. I got escitalopram which doesn't seem to affect dp.
I heard good things about lamotrigine for dp/dr.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

I was coaxed by my gf to "get professional help" and she booked an appointment with her therapist. I'm going there in a week. Hopefully she'll prescribe me some meds (dysthymia, depersonalisation) and that's all I need I guess. I believe there's no need for a therapy or more visits.

Any advice on what to say to sail through smoothly? I'm sure as hell not bringing up my suicidal ideation and won't say anything that could land me in a hospital.

I'm worried, so anything helps.

I haven't read any other replies so this may have already been said. It would be very surprising if you were to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation. That's a last ditch intervention. You have to have not just ideation but actual intent, means readily available, and a plan for when, how, where, etc. Inpatient costs a lot to whoever pays (insurance, taxpayers, etc.) so they don't do it for suicidality unless they feel your death is imminent.

The more honest you are the more they'll be able to give you effective help. It's scary and I know I have things I don't discuss for various reasons but if you can share this one thing with them it will help them find you the right medication. The fewer you have to try before you hit the right one the better.

Hey, let me know if the medication (if any) you end up being prescribed helps with depersonalization. I infrequently have episodes of it, and it's unimaginably horrible, I couldn't imagine living with it longer than a day.

As I understand it, there's no medication that addresses this symptom directly, but if it's being tripped by anxiety, which is what happens for me, addressing that might help with the frequency and intensity of the dissociation by reducing the trigger.

 

[Wren]

I haven't read any other replies so this may have already been said. It would be very surprising if you were to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation. That's a last ditch intervention. You have to have not just ideation but actual intent, means readily available, and a plan for when, how, where, etc. Inpatient costs a lot to whoever pays (insurance, taxpayers, etc.) so they don't do it for suicidality unless they feel your death is imminent.

The more honest you are the more they'll be able to give you effective help. It's scary and I know I have things I don't discuss for various reasons but if you can share this one thing with them it will help them find you the right medication. The fewer you have to try before you hit the right one the better.

As I understand it, there's no medication that addresses this symptom directly, but if it's being tripped by anxiety, which is what happens for me, addressing that might help with the frequency and intensity of the dissociation by reducing the trigger.

Ideation on the outside, desire and plans on the inside. Appointments and medication is covered by insurance. I'm not disclosing much due to lack of trust and am afraid of possible repercussions. That's pretty much the recap of the thread :)

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

Ideation on the outside, desire and plans on the inside. Appointments and medication is covered by insurance. I'm not disclosing much due to lack of trust and am afraid of possible repercussions. That's pretty much the recap of the thread :)

I still don't think you should worry too much about the desire and plan. I think that still falls under ideation. This would change if you were gathering the necessary supplies but without that it would be debatable whether this could be considered intent.

 

[Wren]

Day 2.5 on escitalopram:
Too soon to feel any effects yet, but I lost appetite which is great. I'm overeating often and this is a very welcome side effect. So even if nothing else happens, I'll feel better after eating less and losing weight.
Got drunk with my girlfriend last night and we both cried our eyes out, confessing our love and promising to suicide together if it comes to happen in the future. Then we fucked so no problems with libido or anorgasmia. This might not be as pointless as I thought.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

Day 2.5 on escitalopram:
Too soon to feel any effects yet, but I lost appetite which is great. I'm overeating often and this is a very welcome side effect. So even if nothing else happens, I'll feel better after eating less and losing weight.
Got drunk with my girlfriend last night and we both cried our eyes out, confessing our love and promising to suicide together if it comes to happen in the future. Then we fucked so no problems with libido or anorgasmia. This might not be as pointless as I thought.

That's wonderful! It's such a relief to find a medication that works. Side effects are the reason people don't take their meds. When I found Lamictal my world shifted.

 

[Wren]

Day 7, upped the dose from 5mg to 10mg

holy fuck my pupils dilated
They're twice the normal size? My eyes hurt for the whole day and vision was blurred a bit. That's why.
Still no appetite or sense of hunger. Nothing else changed.

 

[Wren]

Day 11

Don't like it anymore. Lowered libido and erectile dysfunction aside, my emotional response changed.
If before what held me back from ctb was anguish I'd cause to my family, now I don't really care? I know they'd be devastated but it doesn't bother me much now. That's a huge no no, so I'm finishing the rest of the pills just to see where it leads me and then I quit the meds.

 

[Wren]

Day like 30? Last update.
I ditched the meds and won't be taking anything else anymore. No appetite and erectile dysfunction are not what I need. Food and sex are two of the best things on this sinful planet and I'm not sacrificing them.
And it removes any mental blocks towards going through with suicide. I don't want to enable myself at the moment.
It helped with depersonalisation, though. I rarely phased out, but it doesn't outweigh the cons.