nightlygem
La Joya
- Sep 27, 2023
- 184
Last night, I found myself having a big argument with my partner. Over petty things, of course. But all this drama from me alongside the stress of their brother almost dying and being treated in the ICU… I feel awful. I feel so incredible horrible and I wish I had kept my mouth shut.
I find myself thinking that I deserve punishment of some sort; as if being sick to my stomach and having a panic attack lasting 12 hours wasn't enough. I want to ctb at the most, and at the least I want to cut myself. But I just… can't do it. Like a force that's pulling me back down onto this earth. A force that's keeping me from picking up my blade. I feel so pathetic. A poor excuse of a life and it can't even be bothered to put itself out of its misery.
Truth be told, I know there is a reason for this. "It's not my time" or something like that. But… I really wish it was. I just can't do it. So, here I am. Stuck in this disgusting body, stuck in this evil mind. I am stuck. I can't just "cope" like my family tells me I should do.
I just want out… please. I'm so tired.
thanks for reading this. it warms my heart to know that I'm being heard.
I find myself thinking that I deserve punishment of some sort; as if being sick to my stomach and having a panic attack lasting 12 hours wasn't enough. I want to ctb at the most, and at the least I want to cut myself. But I just… can't do it. Like a force that's pulling me back down onto this earth. A force that's keeping me from picking up my blade. I feel so pathetic. A poor excuse of a life and it can't even be bothered to put itself out of its misery.
Truth be told, I know there is a reason for this. "It's not my time" or something like that. But… I really wish it was. I just can't do it. So, here I am. Stuck in this disgusting body, stuck in this evil mind. I am stuck. I can't just "cope" like my family tells me I should do.
I just want out… please. I'm so tired.
thanks for reading this. it warms my heart to know that I'm being heard.
