Finally got the nerve to order SN.

[兎の耳]

After a lot of worry and second guessing myself I finally got the nerve to order SN.

I tried, I really did, but I'm so tired. I did the scariest thing I've ever done and moved across the country for a new life, but I'm still sad and anxious all the time. I'm still awkward and unlovable and honestly what's the point if I can't have the things that seem to make life worth living for others (family, friends, etc)?

Now I just have to worry about whether or not the seller will actually ship.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling tired of suffering in this existence but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find what you search for.

 

[Tarrasque]

Sorry it came to this and I hope you find peace. Your Reisen pfp is cool.

 

[PhDone]

After a lot of worry and second guessing myself I finally got the nerve to order SN.

I tried, I really did, but I'm so tired. I did the scariest thing I've ever done and moved across the country for a new life, but I'm still sad and anxious all the time. I'm still awkward and unlovable and honestly what's the point if I can't have the things that seem to make life worth living for others (family, friends, etc)?

Now I just have to worry about whether or not the seller will actually ship.

It takes courage in this journey of suffering. I would encourage you though that you're not unloveable, maybe you've not (yet) found the right person or people to love you. I spent years alone and felt unseen and unloved but it took finding a different set of people. Everyone is a valuable person even if they are not shown it or dont experience it. You are too.

I hope you at least can know this as you decide what next.

Can you share your supplied, DM? Keep us posted on your journey. We all care here.

 

[兎の耳]

It takes courage in this journey of suffering. I would encourage you though that you're not unloveable, maybe you've not (yet) found the right person or people to love you. I spent years alone and felt unseen and unloved but it took finding a different set of people. Everyone is a valuable person even if they are not shown it or dont experience it. You are too.

I hope you at least can know this as you decide what next.

Can you share your supplied, DM? Keep us posted on your journey. We all care here.

Thank you for your kind words. I suppose I'm not entirely unlovable because I do have a few close friends. I just feel like too much of a burden sometimes. Plus I always seem to be some combination of anxious and sad and it gets very tiresome. I just want to sleep and there never seems to be enough time to sleep.

I will share my source once I'm sure it's legit.

 

[CTB Dream]

V sry hpn all wish peac

 

[iamanavalanche]

hoping to get the guts to do this too.
wishing all the best for you <3

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Wishing you relief. Sorry you're suffering so much. Just know that people on here care, you are not unseen nor unlovable. Sometimes we do just need to find new people which is hard as fuck.

 

[兎の耳]

Well, I received a notification that my order has shipped and a tracking number, but no movement yet.

 

[WeakWeave]

I am sorry you're going through this and are suffering. Please keep us updated on everything. I wish you good luck.

 

[兎の耳]

Got a notification that my order is moving. Estimated delivery is in 5 days. I'm excited even though realistically my actual death will be weeks or months away because I have to get my affairs in order and also buy antiemetics and possibly source some benzos.

I'll update when it gets here. Thanks for the kind words everyone.

 

[兎の耳]

Was having an especially bad night and dealing with a lot of fear (dying is scary even if living is intolerable) so I reached out to my best friend and told him I had ordered SN. He accused me of lying so I showed him the email minus tracking and he blew up at me.

He asked how he was supposed to go on when I was giving up, told me he wasn't strong enough for me and couldn't be my rock anymore, and also said "fuck you" a bunch. It wasn't the reaction I was hoping for and pretty much galvanized my desire to end things.

 

[Edistrying]

I disappeared from social networks, I no longer responded to my friends' messages and I told my ex that I was thinking about suicide and no one seemed to care, I came here and realized that there are many people with the same feelings, we all have some reason why we want to disappear and here are people that it care, & I care about you too, I don't know who you are, what you are, where you live, you are a human being who is suffering and it shouldn't be like that. Not all human beings will understand it and perhaps your friends are one of those cases. I don't know what you decide to do later but I'm here if you need it, you can send me a message. I send you peace.

 

[兎の耳]

I disappeared from social networks, I no longer responded to my friends' messages and I told my ex that I was thinking about suicide and no one seemed to care, I came here and realized that there are many people with the same feelings, we all have some reason why we want to disappear and here are people that it care, & I care about you too, I don't know who you are, what you are, where you live, you are a human being who is suffering and it shouldn't be like that. Not all human beings will understand it and perhaps your friends are one of those cases. I don't know what you decide to do later but I'm here if you need it, you can send me a message. I send you peace.

I appreciate your kind words. I'm here as well if you need to talk.

Nobody really takes me seriously. I think when you've been suicidal long enough people start to think you're just doing it for attention. Then when you actually go through with it they act shocked like they never saw it coming.

Edit: I should add that my SN is currently sitting at a sorting center in my home city. Now I'm just nervous that it will get confiscated or I'll get a wellness check or something similar.

 

[兎の耳]

I received a notification that it was delivered but it wasn't actually in the mail room at my apartment building. I'm so crushed I am just sitting here crying. I want an escape from this nightmare and I can't even have a painless one.

 

[mckf]

Sometimes packages can get scanned incorrectly for another one or the driver might scan them early for their KPIs. Wait until the end of the day and hopefully its there!

 

[兎の耳]

The SN unceremoniously showed up the next day stuffed in my mailbox. I am planning on getting testing strips since the package is completely unmarked.

I need to get antiemetics and see if I can get some benzodiazepines as well. I also need to get my affairs in order and make sure this is really what I want since there's no going back from this.

 

[huntermellow]

The SN unceremoniously showed up th next day stuffed in my mailbox. I am planning on getting testing strips since the package is completely unmarked.

I need to get antiemetics and see if I can get some benzodiazepines as well. I also need to get my affairs in order and make sure this is really what I want since there's no going back from this.

i'm glad it was able to arrive. i hope whatever you choose to do brings you peace

 

[Sethy]

I am very sorry you got to this point. If you need to talk to someone about your issues or just to vent or get distracted, I will be more than happy to listen to You and help. I understand how u must feel. Please be strong and message me any time you want if you want, you are not alone in this