finalizing the preperations for ctb next week - could use some guidance

[MachinaArcana]

Dear friends - I hope you don't mind me calling you that - I was a long time lurker here but only recently signed up because, for a few weeks now, I have been finalizing my plans while taking care of the practical side of things:

I will use full suspension as a method when I ctb next week, and finally redeem myself. I will post a detailed scenario/setup later and ask for feedback one last time.

Right now I have a burning question: I realize there will be pain and discomfort involved with full suspension, and that SI reflexes, anxiety and maybe even convulsions can kick in. Or starting to vomit, for that matter. I am looking at my inventory of drugs which I can use to minimize these negative effects to make sure my exit it as peaceful as possible. I intend on ingesting these drugs diluted in a good amount of liqor seconds before I put the noose and a sealed bag over my head, and then "make the drop".

Here's what I have at my disposal:

• 180 tablets "Alprazolam 0,50mg" = 90 mg of aplrazolam a.k.a. Xanax
  
  
• 90 tablets "Staurodorm 27 mg = 2400 mg (2,4 grams) of flurazepam (only started testing these and from my experience this seems to be a pretty powerful benzo / sleeping pill, also causes a light-headed and even slightly euphoric sensation)
  
  
• 300 tablets "Zolpidem 10 mg": 3000 mg (3 grams) of zolpidemtartrate, not strictly a benzo but benzo family, a drug with a short half-life of 2-4 hours, just to help you fall asleep. But they do make me droswy when I take a few, especially when comined with benzos and and alchohol. But I think over the years (10+) I've gotten quite used to them.
  
  
• 90 tablets "Dafalgan Codeine (combination pills) 500/30": 45.000 mg (45 grams) of paracetamol + 2.700 mg (2,7 grams) of codeine. Been taking these for years as well, for chronic pain, only feel an effect (feeling fuzzy/cosy and somehwat sleepy) when I take at least two, combined with benzos
  
  
• anti-depressants: 90 tablets "Trazodone 100 mg": 9.000 mg (9grams) of tradazonhydrochloride. My physician told me this isn't strictly an anti-depressant but often precscribed to aid sleeping.

I guess it would be counterproductive to just just ingest "as many as I can". Vomiting, convulsions, etc... What would help me to make a peaceful exit? Any advise would be appcreciated.

Thank you so much.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey Friend! U have a very detailed plan! Love it!..ur in the right place,tho I personally don't have much experience on that method..Sending u much love n peace. U r loved!

 

[Quarky00]

You may use small amounts of benzos or their derivatives (first three) to ease anxiety or induce drowsiness. The others are less effective here. Along with alcohol just a few would knock you out, so do your planning and timing. Only you know your personal dosage. If you take the pills few seconds before they won't affect you. If you take them 30m before you'll fall asleep before ctb. Theoretically you could make the benzo/sleep to actually "make the drop", I don't know how exactly though

 

[mathieu]

I wouldn't take the codeine/paracetemol. Too high a risk of permanent liver damage if you fail.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I'd skip the codeine. It's not nearly as effective as the others and has a self-limiting effect.

Also, make sure you're aware enough to do whatever you wish. If you overdose on pills and booze you're likely to wake up having done nothing.

I'm not any kind of expert on any of these drugs (they won't give them to me) so you'll need to do some homework. You don't want to increase your chances of vomiting.

Remember, more is not always better.

 

[Ghost2211]

The method you are choosing is going to inherently cause a certain amount of discomfort and survival instinct. As you stated you are aware of that, but sometimes it is good to mention it again. I would take minimal amounts of pain killers and sedatives simply because you do not want to cause severe digestive issues to add to the discomfort. you are far braver than I am my survival instinct will kick in before I even put the bag on my head.

in the event that survival instinct does take over dying of liver failure would not be pleasant to say the least.

 

[MysticPerception]

As mentioned above me taking any pills right before won't do anything for you as they won't really kick in for a certain amount of time. Also I'm pretty sure your neck is supposed to snap if you do it properly so it's supposed to be instant if you don't mess it up. I can't really give any advice on the drugs or alcohol though I just wanted to wish you luck and I hope you don't end up injured if you fail in your attempt.

 

[MachinaArcana]

I'm pretty sure your neck is supposed to snap if you do it properly so it's supposed to be instant if you don't mess it up.

I will use the full suspension method, but it's not going to be "long drop", so my neck won't break...The idea is to die from oxygen deprivation to the brain, with the exit bag as a failsafe, to make sure that I suffocate, in any case.

—-

And thank you for all the replies, everyone. What you say makes perfect sense... I figured that taking too many meds wouldn't really do me any good but possibly even complicate things... but I am just looking for relief.

It's very hard for me to assess what the best dosage would be in the context of ctb as I have a high tolerance for benzos after all these years (they don't even help me fall asleep anymore unless I take several and combine them with painkillers and alcohol.)

 

[Quarky00]

Yeah, you do have high tolerance ..

Zolpidem 10 mg.. they make me drowsy when I take a few, especially when comibned with benzos and and alchohol

That exact combination that suits you sounds peaceful. You may still have some SI even when drowsy; or you may be too drowsy to care and then ctb without much response; you can test your reactions before (trial); etc. Just some thoughts. Wishing you peace anyway :)

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

300 mg of zolpidem is advised for the chloroquine method, along with 300 mg of zopiclone to meds for both short- and long-term sleep. Or, 1000 ml of liquid diazepam.

So I could see possible effectiveness of 300 mg of zolpidem with some benzos, perhaps relaxing and falling asleep into the suspension.

I say all this in a dry, factual way, but my heart goes to beating. Wasn't expecting to have such a strong response to what you're seeking here, we haven't engaged before. I'm sorry you've suffered and are at this point. I hope my posting helps bring some peace, either with making the suspension easier, or just knowing you had an impact and I care.

 

[MachinaArcana]

Thank you for your insights, Quarky00 end GoodPersonEffed.

It means the world to me that you actually care to share your thoughts on this, only with my peaceful transit (and thus wellbeing) in mind.

Thank you so much.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

Damn. I am really, really sorry things have come to this point. Reading from your other posts you sound like a nice and considerate person, too.

Your method takes guts. Sorry i dont' have anything helpful to add.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Dear friends - I hope you don't mind me calling you that - I was a long time lurker here but only recently signed up because, for a few weeks now, I have been finalizing my plans while taking care of the practical side of things:

I will use full suspension as a method when I ctb next week, and finally redeem myself. I will post a detailed scenario/setup later and ask for feedback one last time.

Right now I have a burning question: I realize there will be pain and discomfort involved with full suspension, and that SI reflexes, anxiety and maybe even convulsions can kick in. Or starting to vomit, for that matter. I am looking at my inventory of drugs which I can use to minimize these negative effects to make sure my exit it as peaceful as possible. I intend on ingesting these drugs diluted in a good amount of liqor seconds before I put the noose and a sealed bag over my head, and then "make the drop".

Here's what I have at my disposal:

• 180 tablets "Alprazolam 0,50mg" = 90 mg of aplrazolam a.k.a. Xanax
  
  
• 90 tablets "Staurodorm 27 mg = 2400 mg (2,4 grams) of flurazepam (only started testing these and from my experience this seems to be a pretty powerful benzo / sleeping pill, also causes a light-headed and even slightly euphoric sensation)
  
  
• 300 tablets "Zolpidem 10 mg": 3000 mg (3 grams) of zolpidemtartrate, not strictly a benzo but benzo family, a drug with a short half-life of 2-4 hours, just to help you fall asleep. But they do make me droswy when I take a few, especially when comined with benzos and and alchohol. But I think over the years (10+) I've gotten quite used to them.
  
  
• 90 tablets "Dafalgan Codeine (combination pills) 500/30": 45.000 mg (45 grams) of paracetamol + 2.700 mg (2,7 grams) of codeine. Been taking these for years as well, for chronic pain, only feel an effect (feeling fuzzy/cosy and somehwat sleepy) when I take at least two, combined with benzos
  
  
• anti-depressants: 90 tablets "Trazodone 100 mg": 9.000 mg (9grams) of tradazonhydrochloride. My physician told me this isn't strictly an anti-depressant but often precscribed to aid sleeping.

I guess it would be counterproductive to just just ingest "as many as I can". Vomiting, convulsions, etc... What would help me to make a peaceful exit? Any advise would be appcreciated.

Thank you so much.

When you say exit bag, what do you mean? Trash bag? Oven bag? Personally, I've tried trash bags to add to partial, as well as with propane for an exit bag, and I freak with the bag, even with a barrier over my face, the loss of oxygen in there is so fast.

Anyhow, not remotely peaceful for me, the opposite, so recommending you test your tolerance if you haven't already.

 

[MachinaArcana]

Thank you, Backwood-tilt.
This morning I took a fairly high dosage of benzos, knocked me out after about 10 minutes and slept for hours. Woke up a few hours ago, just stumbling around.
This is the way to go, as long as I take care to meticulously prepare the "setup" and time it correctly. I will suffer, yes, but it's going to be a god damn picnic compared to what I've been going through all these years.
Sending a big hug your way.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

:( If you change your mind about it you already know the best place to research other methods!

Sending a big hug your way.

Sending one your way, too.

 

[MachinaArcana]

When you say exit bag, what do you mean? Trash bag?

a sturdy, thick bag made of very thick, tough plastic. I clipped and filed my nails in the event I start clawing at it while half unconscious. I'll have a piece of pre-cut gaffer tape at the ready, to tighten it around my neck. I'm even toying with the idea to put on thin, leather gloves once the bag is on, so there no way I'll be able to tear a hole in it.

I can't stress this enough: it needs to be foolproof.

Any other suggestions are welcome.

I love you all.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

a sturdy, thick bag made of very thick, tough plastic. I clipped and filed my nails in the event I start clawing at it while half unconscious. I'll have a piece of pre-cut gaffer tape at the ready, to tighten it around my neck. I'm even toying with the idea to put on thin, leather gloves once the bag is on, so there no way I'll be able to tear a hole in it.

I can't stress this enough: it needs to be foolproof.

Any other suggestions are welcome.

I love you all.

When I aborted my partial attempt with bag, I had two zip ties together in a loop, around my wrists behind my back that I could pull tight with one hand when ready. I just couldn't do it, but it's a good failsafe.

 

[MachinaArcana]

I had two zip ties together in a loop, around my wrists behind my back that I could pull tight with one hand when ready.

Believe it or not, but this has gone through my mind as well in the past few days. Might seriously consider it. Thank you.