unfortunately i pussied out of my attempt, but i'm planning on retrying today. it may have been for the better, though, because i called my mom to let her know more things for once im gone. still, it hurt to wake up today.
my world got destroyed when i got broken up with about 3 months ago now. every day has been hell. he ruined my life, no doubt, but god do i miss him. every single morning i get an immediate stabbing feeling in my lungs thinking about him and the little things we would do or say. everything hurts so bad. he said i'd never go through with things because "all you do is say you're going to and never follow through, it's not going to happen and i know it." i wish he would have believed me. i wish he didn't leave when things got hard. i wish he knew how much i needed him and how much i wanted to do for him. everything i was doing was for him; living, working, finding an apartment. he was my baby and now he's gone. he told me very explicitly that he doesn't love me anymore and "it wouldn't be the same if we tried again." his advice for when i would get bad was to always keep trying, because you never knew what was going to happen. i guess that doesn't mean much now, huh.
i'm sorry for the ramble, but i feel like i needed to make it all known. everyone i've talked to in my life doesn't seem to care or understand. i lost everything that made me feel whole in an instant and i just can't recover. i'm so fucking sorry. if he reads this, i'm sorry L and i love you so so much. please consider what my mom offers. if anyone else i know reads this, i'm sure you did all that you could have tried to do and i'm sorry it wasn't enough. i'm sorry i couldn't be helped. i'm sorry i wasn't good enough.
to everyone here, thank you all for your seemingly unlimited resources and information. i'm really hoping that this doesn't hurt, and i can have some sort of hope for that thanks to you all. i hope you achieve whatever you want, whether that means living on and pulling through, or being able to go out on your own terms.
my world got destroyed when i got broken up with about 3 months ago now. every day has been hell. he ruined my life, no doubt, but god do i miss him. every single morning i get an immediate stabbing feeling in my lungs thinking about him and the little things we would do or say. everything hurts so bad. he said i'd never go through with things because "all you do is say you're going to and never follow through, it's not going to happen and i know it." i wish he would have believed me. i wish he didn't leave when things got hard. i wish he knew how much i needed him and how much i wanted to do for him. everything i was doing was for him; living, working, finding an apartment. he was my baby and now he's gone. he told me very explicitly that he doesn't love me anymore and "it wouldn't be the same if we tried again." his advice for when i would get bad was to always keep trying, because you never knew what was going to happen. i guess that doesn't mean much now, huh.
i'm sorry for the ramble, but i feel like i needed to make it all known. everyone i've talked to in my life doesn't seem to care or understand. i lost everything that made me feel whole in an instant and i just can't recover. i'm so fucking sorry. if he reads this, i'm sorry L and i love you so so much. please consider what my mom offers. if anyone else i know reads this, i'm sure you did all that you could have tried to do and i'm sorry it wasn't enough. i'm sorry i couldn't be helped. i'm sorry i wasn't good enough.
to everyone here, thank you all for your seemingly unlimited resources and information. i'm really hoping that this doesn't hurt, and i can have some sort of hope for that thanks to you all. i hope you achieve whatever you want, whether that means living on and pulling through, or being able to go out on your own terms.
