The Disqualified
Disqualified as a Human Being
- Feb 4, 2023
- 224
Tonight was horrible. It is late at night where I live and I walked through town at night. It was lonely in a way, but there were also many people.
I felt horrible again. I really can't move on. I really am not a human being, but a horrible failure. I am a horrible mistake. I truly am a horrible failure of the system.
Everytime I go out I get reminded of how much of a loser and disgrace I am. I really need to kill myself and cut my losses while I still can. My life is horrible. I cannot imagine those people living a single day of my life and surviving. All the trauma comes back to haunt me. I feel so much anger and bitterness against human society. I despise this system. I really hate it deeply. But my hatred only goes inward, destroying and rotting me from the inside.
Today I was walking on the beach. There was a sports competition being played, kids playing in the sand, friends hanging out, couples kissing. It all got me thinking about my life again. I felt like such a loser. I really am a horrible taint in the universe. I am a horrible failure. I really live a life of great shame. My sheer existence is a profoundly shameful error.
I cannot fathom how I could have lived like this for two decades. I can't bear this much pain any longer. I feel angry at the machine, but there is nothing I can do against this system. This is why I must kill myself and end this horrible cosmic mistake that has blighted the universe ever since my birth. The day I kill myself will be the day I end this horrible, scandalous mistake forever.
All I must do is to kill myself and prevent the world from finding out this horrifying, grotesque, disgusting abomination before it is too late. I am not worthy of being a human being. I would only drag the species name to the rock bottom I live in. I am a horrible mistake. A leftover. A non-occurrence. That is what I am. I am certain that my death would be only something positive and that no one would miss me.
I felt horrible again. I really can't move on. I really am not a human being, but a horrible failure. I am a horrible mistake. I truly am a horrible failure of the system.
Everytime I go out I get reminded of how much of a loser and disgrace I am. I really need to kill myself and cut my losses while I still can. My life is horrible. I cannot imagine those people living a single day of my life and surviving. All the trauma comes back to haunt me. I feel so much anger and bitterness against human society. I despise this system. I really hate it deeply. But my hatred only goes inward, destroying and rotting me from the inside.
Today I was walking on the beach. There was a sports competition being played, kids playing in the sand, friends hanging out, couples kissing. It all got me thinking about my life again. I felt like such a loser. I really am a horrible taint in the universe. I am a horrible failure. I really live a life of great shame. My sheer existence is a profoundly shameful error.
I cannot fathom how I could have lived like this for two decades. I can't bear this much pain any longer. I feel angry at the machine, but there is nothing I can do against this system. This is why I must kill myself and end this horrible cosmic mistake that has blighted the universe ever since my birth. The day I kill myself will be the day I end this horrible, scandalous mistake forever.
All I must do is to kill myself and prevent the world from finding out this horrifying, grotesque, disgusting abomination before it is too late. I am not worthy of being a human being. I would only drag the species name to the rock bottom I live in. I am a horrible mistake. A leftover. A non-occurrence. That is what I am. I am certain that my death would be only something positive and that no one would miss me.
