Venting feeling useless

[fishlover]

ever since i got laid off a couple of weeks ago, ive fallen into a hole where i have no motivation for anything at all. i don't have any hope in finding another job. my resume is alright but i never finished college, so i feel like i have no value to employers. but it's not like im going back to school again or anything.

im eating through the little savings i have, and financially i'm not doing well. my only saving grace is that i live with my mom, and have another (less nice, but stable) living option as back up.

but as long as i'm not working, i'm like an annoying house fly in my mom's eyes. i cant be damned to do anything- but even the little i do is never appreciated. i get no gratitude from her at all. i feel like im expected to fail, and be a piece of shit, so why even bother trying?
i wish i could find another job again just to be useful, but i dont know. it's hard. i want to die. the moment i lost my job, i wanted to die.

i feel alone. even though i have an amazing boyfriend, he's all i have. i want to talk to my friend again, but my bf made me cut contact with him. i feel isolated. i dont have any other friends, no one at all. if i lose my bf, i have nothing.

everything feels like a pain to do, living is like walking through a 10 foot tall wall of sludge. right now im a burden on my mom and my bf. what is even the point of anything at all?

 

[acidkitsune23]

I understand wym man so much oh my god. U deserve so much better. Why'd your boyfriend make you cut contact, if you dont mind me asking?

 

[pointblank]

Ganbatte.. ! I hope you get a different perspective to your situation and embark on a journey of self-love

 

[fishlover]

I understand wym man so much oh my god. U deserve so much better. Why'd your boyfriend make you cut contact, if you dont mind me asking?

ty <3

to be fair it sounds kinda bad when i just write it out like that... but essentially, i was kinda obsessed with him (my friend) everything revolved around him... he was the longest friend ive ever had, around maybe 6 years? i was really emotionally invested lol. we did some "not friend" stuff as well.

my boyfriend knew that before we started dating.
i was slowly starting to get over him, i wasnt interested in him as much anymore and just wanted to be regular friends, i guess... but since my bf knew how attached i was to my friend, it hurt him that i was still talking to him. so essentially there was a bit of an ultimatum, i chose my boyfriend.. and in the end cut contact with my friend.

of course theres more to it and i understand how my bf feels. it didnt help that i was going behind my bf's back to talk to him either... its just hard losing someone ive known for so long. i really miss him.

i think i made the right choice in the end

 

[acidkitsune23]

ty <3

to be fair it sounds kinda bad when i just write it out like that... but essentially, i was kinda obsessed with him (my friend) everything revolved around him... he was the longest friend ive ever had, around maybe 6 years? i was really emotionally invested lol. we did some "not friend" stuff as well.

my boyfriend knew that before we started dating.
i was slowly starting to get over him, i wasnt interested in him as much anymore and just wanted to be regular friends, i guess... but since my bf knew how attached i was to my friend, it hurt him that i was still talking to him. so essentially there was a bit of an ultimatum, i chose my boyfriend.. and in the end cut contact with my friend.

of course theres more to it and i understand how my bf feels. it didnt help that i was going behind my bf's back to talk to him either... its just hard losing someone ive known for so long. i really miss him.

i think i made the right choice in the end

Yw! <3
Also, i understand that. Both sides are completely valid imo