NSFW Feeling unworthy/like a slut

[stargazingalone]

I dont really know how I should even explain this. I just feel like some disgusting slut, thats only good for fucking. The only people who are still in my life are here because Im in some sort of fwb with them. My bodycount literally doubled in the last few weeks and it makes me feel so worthless to the point I wanna ctb. Even my girlfriend called me a whore for that (didnt cheat in her, we are both polyamorous), and I really dont care what happens to me anymore.
Because of this Ive started to use sex as a form of sh, which makes it feel a bit better. Even when everything on my body is covered in scars, they still fuck me, and I dont understand it to be honest. I try to make myself as unattractive as possible for others, but they still think Im pretty.

(I just noticed that it sounds like I dont consent to having sex with them, but luckily this isnt the case)

 

[Sid19]

I feel like a parasite for my own reason, which ofcourse is for a very different reason. All I can think of is maybe, perhaps your friends or people around you are just not good people simply. Also maybe you need to stop engaging with them if they are only looking this with you, which also includes your girlfriend. Change your friend circle. It's better being alone, which itself is depressing than be with toxic people.

Have you ever thought maybe using your sex appel you probably were trying to have more people who would care for you and give you attention? You most likely need help with your mental health as well.

 

[judestfrancis]

god i get what you're talking about. its hard when you feel like a sex toy with consciousness. you're more than that. sex is easy to get and easy to give, but that doesnt make you easy. your friends like you enough to do that sort of thing with you, and they think you're attractive in spite of how you look. they probably feel a lot closer to you now that it's happened, and i'm sure they would miss you a lot if you ctb, especially now

 

[siouxsie]

I really don't have much advice here. But I feel you. I feel the same thing, even though I'm married. I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for the sex, my husband would have left years ago. I also am covered in scars and have a very low bmi, so I'd assume most people of whatever gender would find me unattractive. Yet wherever I go I find people hitting on me. I don't get it either. Apparently I give off vibes that tell people I'm easy. That's what my husband tells me at least. I don't get it. I look like shit and I sure don't flirt with anyone yet everyone seems to think I'm like some fun new toy. It's annoying and makes me feel like I'm merely a piece of flesh. Before I was married I too used sex as a form of SH. So sorry, I can't help but I sure can relate.
And I don't know if this is of any help to you, but when I read this my head went like "oh, classic borderline personality". I'm diagnosed bpd and the whole sex thing is part of the diagnostic criteria. I also have a lot of bpd friends, and it seems that all of us seem to attract a lot of people even if we don't intend to. And usually, it's the wrong kind of people. We're like magnets for narcissists, other personality disorders and a bunch of other mentally ill people who end up making our lives worse. Story of my life. Not much I can do about it. It's a neverending circle. Meet someone, they'll promise u the moon and the stars, be abused, break up and break down, repeat. I've come to the point where I'm thinking that accepting that I'm merely a sex toy is better for my mental health than trying to be loved for anything other than my reproductive organs.
sorry about the long rambling post. I apparently overdid the caffeine this morning.
Long story short, I feel you, you're more than just a piece of meat. Usually people like us have the biggest hearts and warmest souls but no one appreciates us for it. I do. You're so much more and worth it.

 

[mortuarymary]

I used to be like that, I did swinging for gods sake. Just to make me feel alive or on a huge high episode on bipolar.
You are not a slut.