XKZyn
Member
- Jul 27, 2025
- 42
My family and I are getting evicted from our home, I've known this for a couple weeks now. I feel a lot of things mainly the urge to jump off the bridge. I was scrolling on my phone in bed and came across old classmates profiles. It was sad and strange. Seeing how they've changed compared to what I know, hurts remembering I won't see some of my friends again. It made me feel worthless by comparison. They've all changed and yet I'm still this fucking indifferent loser that's being pulled by two things. The urge to die and the feeling of wanting to live. I've wasted so much time already and will continue to waste time. I wish I could pull my family from this muck or something. I wish this loneliness would fade away.
Seeing their profiles reminded me of how isolated I am. The choice to dropout is one I regret a lot. Letting anxiety takeover my life was a choice... I just feel sad and alone knowing my older sister will be going somewhere else to stay while we try to find a place. I don't get along too well with my younger sister and mom mainly because my mom makes me feel like shit and my younger sister seems to knowingly poke at my insecurities/pains. I just feel so alone knowing that my family might be torn apart again. Will I have to live with my grandma? I don't want to, it's miserable with her. Ik mom doesn't really like me nor my little sister, honestly I don't think anyone here likes me. They just tolerate me because we're family. This loneliness is so consuming. Atp I'd even meetup with someone, not for sex but just to hold and feel warmth. To feel like I matter. To feel the warmth that I often miss but I'm far too cautious and anxious/paranoid to meet someone from online. Idk people... I just needed to vent. I'm feeling the pull of self harm but I threw away my razors to stop, I'm feeling an urge to jump off the bridge but I'm lazy and that's an hour walk. Idk I'm sorry to anyone who actually read this whole thing, thank you if you did. It eases my loneliness somewhat. I don't know what to do.
Seeing their profiles reminded me of how isolated I am. The choice to dropout is one I regret a lot. Letting anxiety takeover my life was a choice... I just feel sad and alone knowing my older sister will be going somewhere else to stay while we try to find a place. I don't get along too well with my younger sister and mom mainly because my mom makes me feel like shit and my younger sister seems to knowingly poke at my insecurities/pains. I just feel so alone knowing that my family might be torn apart again. Will I have to live with my grandma? I don't want to, it's miserable with her. Ik mom doesn't really like me nor my little sister, honestly I don't think anyone here likes me. They just tolerate me because we're family. This loneliness is so consuming. Atp I'd even meetup with someone, not for sex but just to hold and feel warmth. To feel like I matter. To feel the warmth that I often miss but I'm far too cautious and anxious/paranoid to meet someone from online. Idk people... I just needed to vent. I'm feeling the pull of self harm but I threw away my razors to stop, I'm feeling an urge to jump off the bridge but I'm lazy and that's an hour walk. Idk I'm sorry to anyone who actually read this whole thing, thank you if you did. It eases my loneliness somewhat. I don't know what to do.
