Feeling trapped by the hands of my family to stay alive

[Lou_Charthethird]

i feel the only reason im alive is to give comfort to my family, as an object. I mean that in the worst way possible. I mean it as a duty, not a a solace. I feel as if im expendable, like my life doesnt even matter anymore and im only living to further their happiness or, to limit their sadness. Death would be so satisfying, to just see all black, or in fact to see nothing- to not see at all- to not even exist- its so comforting to know that exists. Yet i feel like im already halfway there. There is truly nothing on the inside of me anymore. I exist as an object and no matter how hard i try to penetrate this shell, nothing is moving inside anymore.