You know, it all worked out pretty well today! I barely got any sleep at all, but when the nurse woke me up in the morning for my medicines, I told her I don't want that one pill. Explained to her why and she said she'd bring it up on the morning conference with the doctors, but that I had to take it today because she can't just let me skip one medicine like that.
A couple hours later, my doctor knocked on my door and said I'd get to meet the head psychiatrist again today (the good one I saw on Monday). We had a great discussion, he completely agreed with me about the medication and promised to take it off the list from tomorrow.
He actually said something funny in response to me saying "I feel a bit bad for not going against what the doctor said yesterday, because I know you (doctors) have years of training in medicine and are the experts here, not me". He laughed and said "no, you're absolutely right in questioning what we do, because we don't always have a clear answer". Something like that.
We talked a lot about other stuff as well, but then he told me "I'd love to have a deeper discussion about the meaning of life, death and existence with you, but I'd prefer to do that when you're not in your darkest place and can't handle the weight of such a discussion". And I'm like (internally, of course) DUDE, YOU TOTALLY UNDERSTAND ME! xD
He recognised how much our Monday discussion affected me and that I was not ready to dig that deep, but also saw that I enjoyed our discussion and wanted to continue talking about it.
I love this guy, he's the perfect doctor for me. He even told me at the end that he can't wait to talk to me more, because he was learning new things by talking to me. Not just about me, but about himself and how we work as humans as well. Is that a compliment or what?!
I know I shouldn't feel flattered, but he really did seem to be genuine.
What a rollercoaster this thread must be. I don't want to re-read it, but it feels like every other update I post is negative and then positive. I guess it is really amplified because I have no one else to talk to about this. I'm surprised anyone keeps following this thread. Very happy for your comments as usual
Hugs~