MMOSTHATED
Member
- Mar 16, 2026
- 5
So I'm not rlly sure exactly how to start off but I've just been feeling more and more lonely as more years go by. I seriously don't have any friends in my life. I guess I talk to people in my day to day environment but that's it. Nothing besides that. I can sometimes think I'm friends with someone but then they just straight up tell me that we aren't friends, just "acquaintances" (this is because I always think I'm more important to people then I actually am. Overvaluing myself sort of?) And it definitely hurts. It seems like everyone around me has their own circle/group of friends or maybe someone they consider their "bestie". So everyone has somebody and u can obviously see that but I'm kinda just "there" existing and wandering around. I don't have anybody. During lunch breaks at this place I work at, I always sit alone with nobody and sometimes even feel weird. At times I will sit with other people just so that I can feel a bit included and also look less like a loser. They will talk to each other and just ignore my presence like I'm not there. It feels like I'm invisible and it's the worst feeling. But this isn't something new tho. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. Since I was younger. When we had group activities at school, I was that kid that would always be left with nobody and would be paired with the teacher. I just never really fit in anywhere. I would get rejected by my friends a lot in primary school. Despite this, I feel like it's the only time in my life where I had any real friends (in school only anyway) I remember this one kid I knew and we were really close. He would invite me to his house and his birthday parties and stuff. When it was time for highschool, we unfortunately didn't get accepted into the school same and the two of us were split up. I was able to get his number though and we talked for literally only a day and never again. I would message him and he would never respond back (idk what's he doing now) This is how it goes when I talk to people online as well. Im just constantly ignored. I don't know why everybody just ignores me. It's like my existence bothers people and they would probably feel much better if i weren't alive because that's honestly how I feel a lot of the time. What makes me feel worse is constantly seeing everybody have fun with their friends, making memories while you sitting alone there watching them. It makes me jealous and sometimes I feel a bit mad at them because I'm literally sitting here with nobody and y'all are ignoring me :( At home is when it's the worse. I always get this heavy feeling of emptiness deep in my chest. It's been like this for a few years now and there are times where I just feel like breaking down. On weekends and holidays, I'm just at home at on my phone doing nothing for the whole day while everyone else is having fun. I've missed out on some much. It's not fair. I never even asked for this life. I don't see how I can possible keep this up.
(Im a bit nervous srry)
