Feeling like a pussy because I never actually TRIED to ctb

[lnlybnny]

I see people all the time saying they tried 6, 10 times and all I do is just THINK about doing it, I never really tried. I wonder if I'm in a bad enough situation or if I can be called ''suicidal'', even though I have these thoughts for over 10 years

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Same here I am too much of a coward so I never had a real suicide attempt I just studied a lot about how to do it

 

[-Link-]

Is there some kind of special club to belong to? Seems like a high price of admission.

Let's see. An active member on a suicide forum for the past eight months with 355 posts to your name, with ideation dating back a decade. I think it's safe to say there's something problematic going on here.

Try not to worry about comparing your own suffering to that of other people's.

 

[Tommen Baratheon]

I don't think you're the only one. I've thought about it - a lot - but I'm still here. But then again, I'd like to think I would only need one (successful) attempt.

 

[MrHastatti]

Nothing wrong with not doing a ctb attempt yet, its best do it when you're completely 100% confident you are ready to go. If you aren't its perfectly fine to not do one, doesn't mean you aren't having isusues.

 

[CantDoIt]

You're not the only one. I've been super picky about how I want to do it and too obsessed with the ruminating and not with the doing. I get nervous because I picked a general timeline but I don't have my preferred method, a specific fate, or a plan.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

My trauma response is freezing so every time I've actively wanted to CtB, I froze and could barely do anything, and I definitely wouldn't have the energy to attempt to CtB in that state. So yeah, I relate to this.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Being suicidal doesn't necessarily mean having had past attempts, I wouldn't invalidate your feelings on that basis. Suffering is subjective and different from everyone regardless...

 

[Awesomefoid67]

same. i havent even like self harmed or anything (well i tried once to see what it was like and then never did it again cus my parents got too worried)

 

[lnlybnny]

Is there some kind of special club to belong to? Seems like a high price of admission.

Let's see. An active member on a suicide forum for the past eight months with 355 posts to your name, with ideation dating back a decade. I think it's safe to say there's something problematic going on here.

Try not to worry about comparing your own suffering to that of other people's.

Hahahah, you made me smile actually... Thank you. But still I don't feel legitimate. I think I'd only feel if I tried

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I don't think attempts are something to aspire for. I've been suicidal for over 10 years as well and have multiple attempts. I don't think that wins me any brownie points. All it's won me is PTSD from the attempts and feeling like I'm not even skilled enough to properly die. Surviving attempts just leaves you feeling ashamed and like a pussy for not being able to actually do it. It's not a race or a game to get the most attempts. How suicidal you are is based on your thoughts and feelings and desire to die, not how many times you've tried or failed or been too scared to even start.

 

[lnlybnny]

I don't think attempts are something to aspire for. I've been suicidal for over 10 years as well and have multiple attempts. I don't think that wins me any brownie points. All it's won me is PTSD from the attempts and feeling like I'm not even skilled enough to properly die. Surviving attempts just leaves you feeling ashamed and like a pussy for not being able to actually do it. It's not a race or a game to get the most attempts. How suicidal you are is based on your thoughts and feelings and desire to die, not how many times you've tried or failed or been too scared to even start.

I didn't mean it should be seen as a race or a competition, I meant that I don't feel MY personal feelings seem so legitimate to me because I only fantasize and never actually acted on it, nor I wish I did attempt and fail obviously. When I do it I want it to be only once.

What methods have you tried? If you don't mind me asking

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I didn't mean it should be seen as a race or a competition, I meant that I don't feel MY personal feelings seem so legitimate to me because I only fantasize and never actually acted on it, nor I wish I did attempt and fail obviously. When I do it I want it to be only once.

What methods have you tried? If you don't mind me asking

I know you didn't mean it like that, I'm just trying to get at that you should illegitimize your feelings simply because you haven't tried. Suicidal-ness is the desire to die with all of the pain and desperation that comes along with it, not the number of times you've tried. Your feelings are just as valid, attempts or not.

 

[divinemistress87]

You arent a pussy. We all have survival instinct in us no matter how much we want to die its cruel

 

[Chocomel]

Well the thing is, I'm like that too. It took me enormous effort and courage to even attempt one, it failed .And now I just don't want to go through the same process again. I just want to be gone in my sleep or something. No courage needed, no effort needed, no anxiety too.