I grew up in India where news of suicide were common even though social stigma attached to it.Everyday I read that Farmers commiting suicide due poverty( people who have no access to Internet and do not understand English and of course have no money or resources),Students doing it due to exam pressure( Teenagers with no money or resources).Looking at all that I always thought it is very feasible to do CTB if we have no will or reason left for staying alive.
I have always been pro choice despite my surroundings and always kind of understood who wanted to end it all.I always considered it as an future option if live goes terribly bad but never really researched or tried to find a way to do it( always thought courage to do it is only obstacle in CTB).Until recently when something terrible happened in my life and I am left with no reason to be alive almost a month ago.
I started to looking online to know how to do it and started lurking on this forum and joined recently.
All I understood is how hard it is to CTB when I am actually ready for it.Each and everything is designed to prevent CTB by society.Even our own body designed to resist any attempt of CTB and keeping us alive I wish instead of making body so resilient God had given me Brain capable of enduring all the pain
So I have considered all the methods of CTB but somehow nothing seems feasible to me.My own constraints like having social anxiety,having zero friends,not able to drive a car are not helping me either.Somehow my brain is not able to understand instructions for all these methods( usually I am not this stupid)
Today was the day I had planned for CTB but unfortunately I am not even able to finalize one method which is feasible for me.I am feeling like a looser for not able to do understand how to do a thing which even children or illiterate people are somehow able to do.
I have always been pro choice despite my surroundings and always kind of understood who wanted to end it all.I always considered it as an future option if live goes terribly bad but never really researched or tried to find a way to do it( always thought courage to do it is only obstacle in CTB).Until recently when something terrible happened in my life and I am left with no reason to be alive almost a month ago.
I started to looking online to know how to do it and started lurking on this forum and joined recently.
All I understood is how hard it is to CTB when I am actually ready for it.Each and everything is designed to prevent CTB by society.Even our own body designed to resist any attempt of CTB and keeping us alive I wish instead of making body so resilient God had given me Brain capable of enduring all the pain
So I have considered all the methods of CTB but somehow nothing seems feasible to me.My own constraints like having social anxiety,having zero friends,not able to drive a car are not helping me either.Somehow my brain is not able to understand instructions for all these methods( usually I am not this stupid)
Today was the day I had planned for CTB but unfortunately I am not even able to finalize one method which is feasible for me.I am feeling like a looser for not able to do understand how to do a thing which even children or illiterate people are somehow able to do.
