Feeling less suicidal and less depressed but there is a huge BUT....

[noname223]

I might turn hypomanic again. I currently try to recover. Going to university again very soon. I am pretty fragile but it is my only chance after numerable failures. My therapist says I should not be that pessimistic but I think it is rational.
After every mania my health was completely ruined, this might be a very expensive recovery trial but I really have no other alternative. It is a great feeling to feel better but the price will be my suicide if it ends in another psychosis.
I think one fact is pretty suspicious I have less suicidal thoughts without a real reason. I am waking up early in the morning. The only time I had no suicidal thoughts in the last 9 years were during a hypomanic period.
It is so tempting just to let it go and enjoy mania. But I know I probably won't survive another rock bottom I try to be cautious. I will further watch the situation. It feels great more hope (without a reason), more energy all of that. However I am not 100% convinced it is mania. I will wait and see.

 

[AQUA]

Now, I've never been diagnosed with bipolar or anything of that nature, but I do experience unpredictable altitude of passion surrounding my thoughts and feelings.
For the people that do not understand:
Feels almost like you're travelling between the two parted Red Sea... only in this scenario, Moses is fucking about, oscillating it between parted and unparted (THE PRICK XD)

No wonder why you feel the way you do comrade, you're never provided enough time to set ANY preparation for the next mood swing.
I think its HELL on earth because once you realize what's happening, It's already too late
*HUG*​

 

[whywere]

I have BPD, in a big way and my mood switches all over the place and it is so exhausting and makes me feel so terrible. I totally agree with @AQUA in so far as you, same as me, do not have the time to process and prepare for the next mood swing. It is so draining.

My wish for you is having time and space to be able to be yourself, take good care of yourself as it might be something that one learns to live with. The BPD that I have will be with me forever and I learned through my own bumping around how to try and react to it when I get a full blown 180 degree swing in my thoughts and emotions.

Have a good week and I send you hugs and the knowledge that you are loved and cared about.

Walter

 

[nosoul]

I have bpd. I just put myself into an incredible hole after starting very successful career, can't get out of bed, got some sleep but barely ate yesterday, ctb feelings are back, unable to enjoy anything in life. I ruined a potentially great life due to my mania but of course I thought my mania was truth.

How does one go on when unable to enjoy anything in life?

my mania swings always got out of control with sex and rage, spending money. the psychosis feels so real at times. Now I am damaged goods:(