MiMif
I do not live for others to understand me...
- Sep 13, 2023
- 588
I'm feeling so unsure right now and I hate it. I spent half of today imagining myself falling to my death and the whole day didn't feel real honestly.
Like I felt like I wasn't even here it was surreal depersonalization I never felt like that before. This period lasted until I ended up scrolling on social media and laughed a bit and it disappeared. After it disappeared however I started questioning why I wanted to die in the first place.
I hate this feeling and I honestly forgot why I was so desperate for death ..at the same time however I cant find a single reason to live.
I'm of the strong belief of only doing suicide when your 100% sure and can do it with a smile. With my date coming up however despite being so confident before my nerves are getting to me and I'm questioning myself.
I don't remember anything..I'm forgetting all the pain I went through honestly...not only the pain though I feel so forgetful and nothing feels real. I don't want to do suicide just to do it I forgot why I'm suicidal...this is honestly just a vent.
I think I'm not going to go through with my planned ctb date on the seventh. I don't want to do such a risky method and not be 100% sure of it I'm going to push it back to my birthday on June 12th.
I always tell others not to do it if your not sure so I'm going to follow my own advice...that is unless something happens before then. I don't even know what changed to make me feel like this it's confusing and frustrating I'm mad at myself for not being able to make a decision I hate this.
I wanna punch myself honestly.
Like I felt like I wasn't even here it was surreal depersonalization I never felt like that before. This period lasted until I ended up scrolling on social media and laughed a bit and it disappeared. After it disappeared however I started questioning why I wanted to die in the first place.
I hate this feeling and I honestly forgot why I was so desperate for death ..at the same time however I cant find a single reason to live.
I'm of the strong belief of only doing suicide when your 100% sure and can do it with a smile. With my date coming up however despite being so confident before my nerves are getting to me and I'm questioning myself.
I don't remember anything..I'm forgetting all the pain I went through honestly...not only the pain though I feel so forgetful and nothing feels real. I don't want to do suicide just to do it I forgot why I'm suicidal...this is honestly just a vent.
I think I'm not going to go through with my planned ctb date on the seventh. I don't want to do such a risky method and not be 100% sure of it I'm going to push it back to my birthday on June 12th.
I always tell others not to do it if your not sure so I'm going to follow my own advice...that is unless something happens before then. I don't even know what changed to make me feel like this it's confusing and frustrating I'm mad at myself for not being able to make a decision I hate this.
I wanna punch myself honestly.
