Heartaches
Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours
- May 6, 2021
- 261
This week's almost over and I've felt progressively worse over time. I've been dealing with strong feelings of dissociation and depersonalization for a long time now, but this weeks's just been so tough, I can barely feel anything, I've lost passion for almost all the things that made me feel sometimes, I've been feeling dizzy, disoriented, my vision has become blurier, my head and my back have been hurting, my sleep's been all over the place, my room's a mess, I haven't made my bed in a week, I've been skinpping school and I can barely take care of myself.
My mom has suggested going with a new psychiatrist, but I don't feel confident in psychiatrists, they always medicate me on SSRIs even though I don't feel they're that useful, but my pychiatrists keep insisting, I feel they underestimate how bad my depression can become and think that by just taking them a couple of months it'll do, but that's far from the truth. For a long time I've been feeling that my diagnosis is incorrect or I have another mental condition, but I feel so scared of asking for a psychiatric evaluation because I've not been taken seriously by my doctors in the past.
All of this just feels like absolute hell. Everyone seems to wonder what happened to me and I just can't explain them, I feel they won't take me seriously or be completely insensitive. I feel like a total failure in life and I don't know if I'll every escape from this deep, deep hole.
I want to scream, but no one listens.
My mom has suggested going with a new psychiatrist, but I don't feel confident in psychiatrists, they always medicate me on SSRIs even though I don't feel they're that useful, but my pychiatrists keep insisting, I feel they underestimate how bad my depression can become and think that by just taking them a couple of months it'll do, but that's far from the truth. For a long time I've been feeling that my diagnosis is incorrect or I have another mental condition, but I feel so scared of asking for a psychiatric evaluation because I've not been taken seriously by my doctors in the past.
All of this just feels like absolute hell. Everyone seems to wonder what happened to me and I just can't explain them, I feel they won't take me seriously or be completely insensitive. I feel like a total failure in life and I don't know if I'll every escape from this deep, deep hole.
I want to scream, but no one listens.