Venting Feeling Drained

[Bct]

This depression just drained my energy and motivation. Anxiety also hits me hard due to next week I have to work again.

I planned to write a note for my family so they'll know I die via suicide (of course through delayed message). I also planned to write my story why I want to CTB here to ease my mind, and perhaps a glimmer of what's wrong with me and how to fix them.

But I still barely write any words, because I'm feeling so tired lately. It's strange since I usually really hard to sleep yet easily wakes up (the last part is still same, though).

Not to mention I'm broke now since my wage since April isn't paid (and most likely won't be paid). I have to borrow some money from my dad for rent, and he also fixed my motorbike. I don't want to egoistically CTB with a debt, because financially my family isn't in a good shape.

Wish I CTB on March when I was still financially stable and no other obligations beside my job. But now I have to survive for a while so I could pay my debts. Don't know if I'm able to find another job that pays better in this pandemic. So currently I'm in a limbo state.

 

[Huntfish34]

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that is going on. Im in some what of a similar situation myself. Feel Very drained , tired, sad, anxious.. I hate it.

I imagine you will find a better job in due time. Thoughts and prayers to ya , Hope everything works out. ❤

 

[Bct]

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that is going on. Im in some what of a similar situation myself. Feel Very drained , tired, sad, anxious.. I hate it.

I imagine you will find a better job in due time. Thoughts and prayers to ya , Hope everything works out. ❤

Thank you! Sorry to hear what's happening to you too. It's really a hateful situation.

Hopefully I could get a job that's better in payment and scope of work, but I'm too pessimistic to get one because I had been jobless for a year and my skill isn't good enough, especially the anxiety. It's ironic the current job is within my dream industry but I'm not cut out for it.