Venting Feel like a total failure

[Dust]

I'm such a goddamn moron, ruining my life because of my own goddamn laziness. Now I only have poor options available to me compared to what I had before and I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again. Why can't killing yourself be easy? Why don't I have the guts to do it? I don't eat properly, barely sleep, and my life has become a nightmare I never imagined happening.

 

[bacardirum]

Killing yourself is not easy, don't feel like a failure for not doing it, sleeping lots is a great mechanism, just keep living for now (and sleeping), and see what happens...

 

[TimeToDie]

You're not alone. There are plenty of people here who are suffering terribly yet thus far have been unable to kill themselves. Suicide is not an easy way out, though living isn't easy either.

 

[bruisedmind]

I believe that more people would be dead if the act of suicide was easier. It takes a lot of effort and is so difficult to complete properly; I have found this. I wish it was easier too, I wish I was gone already

 

[Nem]

You're not a failure, I'm a failure for staying with a bitch that was my ex and not burning the house down
Hugs

 

[Arbie]

Hi, I'm new. I do like to know people's thought, and I hope no one will take offense if it seems I ask a lot of questions... I don't mean to offend anyone.
This question seems to be a reacquiring one, "why is it so hard?"
I imagine all of you have those moments of total and complete emptiness, not the kind we feel on a daily basis, I mean the kind that paralyzes you. I think that has got to be the easiest moment to do it...when you honestly care about nothing.
It takes a very long time to get there I think. (No offense) but I don't see many people over the age of 40 who don't have tremendous fear. I know I was suicidal as early as 16 (I'm 54) but the more years that go by...the less and less I care about. The easier the idea gets.
I believe that with meticulous planning, and over education, it doesn't have to be painful or fearful.
I don't think your laziness or your lack of willing to kill yourself makes you an idiot or a moron...makes you pretty human . Don't be hard on yourself about your reluctance to commit to your end of life decisions, it's a big decision.
My theory, for myself and procrastination...I'll know when it's time, so I do everything to prepare, education, reading. I listen to music and write things that don't make me cry or have me curled up in a ball. Some days...all I can do is live one minute at a time but to afraid to change it. Then I have a glimmer of hope and I make it to the next episode.
As long as we have a single ounce of hope, in anything at all, we will be afraid and reluctant to follow through. Try not to beat yourself up over a natural emotion of hope.