feel guilty about justifying my shortcomings because of depression and suicide ideation

[deathstrider]

i feel like i justify all my failures by just blaming them on the fact that im suicidal and depressed and have been for the majority of my life. if i fail at something, if i cant be fucked to do something, or anything in the realm of that, i feel like i always justify it to myself by saying "youre suicidal and depressed, don't feel bad". this sort of makes me feel like somewhat of a fraud even though my depression and suicidal tendencies are real regardless of whether i use them to justify my shortcomings or whatever. i dunno, i just wanted to make this post to see if theres anyone who shares similar sentiments and/or could give advice regarding this

 

[mistercarrot1]

I share. No advice other than what you can get on the internet.

 

[KissMeMidas]

it's unavoidable for this to come up in your mind. the best way to look at it is that when you do something (or don't do even though you should've) try thinking about it like this:

"it's not an excuse, but it is a reason"

whenever you tell yourself that "it can't be helped since you're suicidal/depressed", it could be justification sometimes, i won't deny it, but most of the time it's simply a reason. you were late to the party because you couldn't get out the bed. that's a reason, simple as that, if someone interprets that as an excuse they are a dumbass lol.

don't feel so bad about it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

What I try or, have tried with myself is to try to push myself if I'm using it as an excuse. So, excuses like- I'm too tired and depressed to exercise. I hate everything so- I won't do my chores. I'm too scared to go for that job. I used to be stricter with myself in the past to be honest! I've reached extraordinary levels of laziness now.

However- if I try and fail, I try to be gentle but encouraging to myself. So- it's no wonder you found that difficult or failed at it but- it's good you at least tried. Plus now- you need to try again.

I find the danger with struggling with things like depression, social anxiety etc. is that they can put us off even trying. In some things, my anxieties have won but that means- if I'm in a situation where I have to do something, the fear will be all the greater. Plus- it holds us back from lots of stuff in life. And, if we don't try and keep on trying, it's even less likely we'll achieve things we aim for.

I think it's a sort of balance. Social anxiety is so strong for me, that I just don't think the benefits of being around people would compensate. But then, it's held me back from doing things that might have made a difference. I think it's about working out what's important to us/ what might help. Then, trying to overcome our problems to try that thing. Plus- accepting that we may well fail more than most along the way because of all the baggage we are carrying. Not to say I've been wildly successful at that.