Fears are subsiding

[Mia Wallace]

I can honestly say I've reached a point where I have zero doubts about my decision to ctb. I have been suicidal from as long as I can remember like 7 years old and have made attempts in the past (overdosing, drinking myself to oblivion, etc) none have ever worked obviously but I could never bring myself to try any other method bc of the fears.
I applied for my foid card today. I took a concealed carry class about a year ago which gave me certification so hoping that speeds the process up a bit and that will probably be my method. I'll go buy a shotgun and have to decide where to do it at.
I'd obviously want nothing more than to have access to N but that seems damn near impossible to obtain.
I guess I wanted to write this because I do feel a sense of calmness, almost happiness from the relief that it will all be over soon enough. It's a comfort I haven't felt in awhile.
Has anyone else felt the same way once you knew for certain the time has finally come and you are ready without a doubt to go?

 

[atonofdespair24]

Wow, thank you for sharing. I feel the exact same as you. Hearing you say how you feel about this, makes me feel so at home. I was never afraid to die. I've wanted to be dead for 7 years now as well. I was just scared of not caring anymore, because that's when I knew I'd be too far gone. I'm at that point now, it's time to go. Just got my 12g the other day. I'm calm, you could almost say blissful. Thanks for sharing, you have a nice way with words. I hope you get the rest you need soon.

 

[Mia Wallace]

Wow, thank you for sharing. I feel the exact same as you. Hearing you say how you feel about this, makes me feel so at home. I was never afraid to die. I've wanted to be dead for 7 years now as well. I was just scared of not caring anymore, because that's when I knew I'd be too far gone. I'm at that point now, it's time to go. Just got my 12g the other day. I'm calm, you could almost say blissful. Thanks for sharing, you have a nice way with words. I hope you get the rest you need soon.

Thank you for the kind reply :) I was almost scared of finally getting to this point as well but it just feels like a huge weight has been lifted from me which by your response, I know you feel it too! Sending you lots of love and wishes for a peaceful ride out <3

 

[Jrmull1993]

@Mia Wallace It really is amazing how a well planned out exit can put anxiety at ease.

My exit will be in a very similar manner as yours.

I wish you all the best with finding your peace.

 

[Mia Wallace]

@Jrmull1993 seriously the thought that this will all be over soon brings so much comfort!
I wish the same for you