Escaper Boy
累坏了...
- Apr 11, 2019
- 245
I'm ready to exit this world. I will consume 20 g of SN today (in less than 12 hours). I managed to sneak out from home last night. Right now, I'm staying at the inn in another city. I could barely sleep last night due to crushing guilt for leaving my family this way, even though they are the main reason why I ctb in the first place.
My time with SS was short. But, it was a memorable experience. SS gave me a temporary home where I felt belonged. For that, I am eternally grateful.
My journey on this planet is coming to an end. I failed to overcome the ordeal of living. The game of survival ended in bitter defeat. The fight has been lost. I concede.
After a long period of time contemplating the merit of existing, I came up with 5 concrete (and personal) reasons for exiting this world.
I cannot see the future. But, I can remember the past. I believe I had done everything I could. I had exhausted my entire options. I had endured long enough. I've decided not to linger inside these unsatisfactory circumstances for another year. Enough is enough. It's time for me to go Home.
No more tears can be shed. In the end, the journey has brought me to exhaustion. Flame of life in me is dying out. I'm not strong enough to face adversity. It's only natural for mother nature to "weed out" the weakling in any given population. I suppose this is my turn to perish.
Right now, I can only wish everyone to take care of yourself as best as you can. This world is not made for the faint of heart. But, I still have this tiny belief in my heart that life, even with all of its ugly facets, can still turn into a worthwhile experience.
I failed this incarnation. I'm willing to let go of all of these "baggages". I refuse to carry any burden and torment to the other side. I'm ready to move on. I pray that the "me" in the next incarnation is able to live a more fulfilling existence.
I shall bid farewell to everyone. I promise I will update if I don't succeed with this attempt. Please allow me to end this post with a farewell poetry. May this poem serve as a footnote in the epilogue of my story.
Sanctuary
I've grown weary, gazing distant galaxy
My flesh had crumbled, hope disintegrated
I yearn for paradise of long lost fantasy
No longer I linger to be obliterated
Weeping of lost happiness won't dispel sorrow
My bloodshed will wash away tainted history
These unshed tears shall prelude new tomorrow
A new dawn without deluge of painful memory
Wave of torment subsided, I can't wait to ditch
The cycle of damnation, which I must end
No longer I submit to eternal bondage
I shall sever this chain with my own hand
Clustering stars shall illuminate my path
My voyage to Home where I forsake misery
I ascend the starlight stairs, paid with my blood
Unlocking sanctuary where I weave new tapestry
P.S I feel so scared and alone right now. Please pray everything will goes well. I don't want to suffer any longer.
My time with SS was short. But, it was a memorable experience. SS gave me a temporary home where I felt belonged. For that, I am eternally grateful.
My journey on this planet is coming to an end. I failed to overcome the ordeal of living. The game of survival ended in bitter defeat. The fight has been lost. I concede.
After a long period of time contemplating the merit of existing, I came up with 5 concrete (and personal) reasons for exiting this world.
- Seeing people that I don't want to see.
- Interacting with people that I don't want to interact with.
- Living in the place where I don't want to live in.
- My inability to alter all of above 3 variables during 27 years of my existence.
- My unwillingness to tolerate those 3 variables any further.
I cannot see the future. But, I can remember the past. I believe I had done everything I could. I had exhausted my entire options. I had endured long enough. I've decided not to linger inside these unsatisfactory circumstances for another year. Enough is enough. It's time for me to go Home.
No more tears can be shed. In the end, the journey has brought me to exhaustion. Flame of life in me is dying out. I'm not strong enough to face adversity. It's only natural for mother nature to "weed out" the weakling in any given population. I suppose this is my turn to perish.
Right now, I can only wish everyone to take care of yourself as best as you can. This world is not made for the faint of heart. But, I still have this tiny belief in my heart that life, even with all of its ugly facets, can still turn into a worthwhile experience.
I failed this incarnation. I'm willing to let go of all of these "baggages". I refuse to carry any burden and torment to the other side. I'm ready to move on. I pray that the "me" in the next incarnation is able to live a more fulfilling existence.
I shall bid farewell to everyone. I promise I will update if I don't succeed with this attempt. Please allow me to end this post with a farewell poetry. May this poem serve as a footnote in the epilogue of my story.
Sanctuary
I've grown weary, gazing distant galaxy
My flesh had crumbled, hope disintegrated
I yearn for paradise of long lost fantasy
No longer I linger to be obliterated
Weeping of lost happiness won't dispel sorrow
My bloodshed will wash away tainted history
These unshed tears shall prelude new tomorrow
A new dawn without deluge of painful memory
Wave of torment subsided, I can't wait to ditch
The cycle of damnation, which I must end
No longer I submit to eternal bondage
I shall sever this chain with my own hand
Clustering stars shall illuminate my path
My voyage to Home where I forsake misery
I ascend the starlight stairs, paid with my blood
Unlocking sanctuary where I weave new tapestry
P.S I feel so scared and alone right now. Please pray everything will goes well. I don't want to suffer any longer.
