I am just venting, need somewhere to let myself out. Its okay if nobody reads this. I just can't take it anymore. Why does my mother has to blame me for everything. I did not wish to be born, I did not by myself come into this fucking shithole we call earth. She and my father brought me. Why am I always blamed? I remember very well I was 10 or 11 at the time, my mother went to her parents' directly after work, without informing anyone. I was left alone with the nanny until my father reached home. What a day it was for me. I am literally crying while writing this. I just don't want to exist anymore, I just wish a truck to hit me or just anything fatal to happen to me. Now it seems like she also has problem with my friends. Needless to say, I don't have a proper friend circle. Only 2 of them. And that too the other 2 are more close. I don't fucking know what to do. I think I will just OD with the SSRI tonight. I don't want to wake up anymore. I just cannot fucking take this. Then after mother came back from her parents', needless to say, my father dropped me there to act as a sort of diplomat or something. My grandparents told me so much about my mother's plight. I was fucking 10 or 11. What was my fucking fault???
Then when she came back my father went away for 2 or 3 days and didn't come back home. It was a nightmare. Idk why my tears won't stop and I keep recalling these things. Man I tried offing myself twice in 2023. But I got scared and couldn't go through. Wish I had killed myself back then. I just want to stop existing now. Nothing big would change without me, I am just another speck of dust in this shitty blue dot. If at all God exists please pray to him/her to take away my life.
Then when she came back my father went away for 2 or 3 days and didn't come back home. It was a nightmare. Idk why my tears won't stop and I keep recalling these things. Man I tried offing myself twice in 2023. But I got scared and couldn't go through. Wish I had killed myself back then. I just want to stop existing now. Nothing big would change without me, I am just another speck of dust in this shitty blue dot. If at all God exists please pray to him/her to take away my life.
