Venting Family is frustrated with me

[kindalone]

I'm having an episode and it's getting difficult to handle my life. I was always a loser and was behind with everything. Started college again at 27 and after 4 years of trying I'm getting kicked out again. Right now the only thing on my mind is cbt.

My family is trying to get me to apply for jobs/apprenticeships but it's difficult to get myself out of that hole. I recently talked to my sister. She's been on edge for a while now and I feel like every conversation we have turns into an argument about something arbitrary. The result is we both leave the conversation annoyed and angry.

I confronted her yesterday and she says she's getting anxious because she sees me in this state and can't handle it. She's worried about my future and is frustrated that I don't do more. I feel guilty for making her feel this way but at the same time I'm annoyed. Why are people so tucking invested in my life? I don't want to be responsible for your feelings. It's burdensome. It's like my life isn't mine. Cbt seems to be the only way I can gain control again. I feel like I'm not capable of anything else. I can't be a functioning human being. I've tried. I've failed.

 

[Mr. Incapable]

Sorry you feel that way. It must be really hard for you to cope with. I can understand your struggles. I was a late bloomer when it came to working. I didn't get my first proper job until just before my 24th birthday. Before that my family were on my case about my future, too and it was super stressful. I also returned to education as a mature student when I was 28. Is it ok to ask why you're getting kicked out of college?

 

[kindalone]

I basically failed a class 3 times. In my country, that means you're getting expelled. Happened to me before because I just couldn't give up and tried to force something. My flawed learning techniques and procrastination were a big factor in this. I should've just let it go the first time. But because of my upbringing, I tie my selfworth to my academic and career success. Now my parents don't even care anymore after seeing me deteriorate more and more. It kinda stings after decades of their brainwashing paired with physical and emotional abuse that they now come around and just want me to be happy. Now I'm 31. It's gonna be difficult to explain all this to employers. It just looks like I'm slacker and I feel like they're right.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Well, I can empathize because I'm in broadly the same position. I definitely don't want to try again. I understand why you're reluctant to.

You're not responsible for your family's emotional reactions to your struggles.

Now I'm 31. It's gonna be difficult to explain all this to employers. It just looks like I'm slacker and I feel like they're right.

Eventually you'll find someone willing to give you a chance. Thhe lack of previous experience won't matter. For example, my friend became a nurse at a non-traditional age. Not having nursing experience before he graduated was no hurdle of course, since he couldn't have gained any.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like a tiring situation to be in and I understand why you would be annoyed at those other people. If you don't wish to hear their opinions then they should just focus on themselves, I think the problem is that people always think that they know what's best even know they cannot experience life the same way as others.