Failure

[Ligottian]

Has anyone here thought they would be a success and turned into a failure?

 

[un.exist]

Could be number one on that list lol

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Has anyone here thought they would be a success and turned into a failure?

Of course, yes

 

[itsgone2]

Has anyone here thought they would be a success and turned into a failure?

I actually was successful for a bit, but a failure after all.

 

[overmorrow]

success, failure, it doesn't matter, nothing does, don't let it pull you down, it's all meaningless.

 

[yotaka]

Absolutely. I get the impression lots of folks here can relate to my experience of being a "gifted" kid in elementary school—did well in class, excellent on tests, constantly praised for being deep and intelligent and empathetic.

Smash cut to 30 years later, I'm miserable, barely able to function at my soul-crushing part-time job, no insurance, no retirement, no paid holidays, no prospects of anything better, more student debt than I'll ever be able to pay off... Things ain't going well haha

 

[reticulator]

success, failure, it doesn't matter, nothing does, don't let it pull you down, it's all meaningless.

Yeah that's true but suffering is real. At least while we're here if you fail financially and can't meet your needs, you suffer greatly.

 

[ilovenewyork]

Yes, I am a failure

 

[violetforever]

i always knew my life was nothing.

 

[HawkTalon]

I never thought my life would be a success at all, but I failed at it anyway.

 

[Ligottian]

Absolutely. I get the impression lots of folks here can relate to my experience of being a "gifted" kid in elementary school—did well in class, excellent on tests, constantly praised for being deep and intelligent and empathetic.

Smash cut to 30 years later, I'm miserable, barely able to function at my soul-crushing part-time job, no insurance, no retirement, no paid holidays, no prospects of anything better, more student debt than I'll ever be able to pay off... Things ain't going well haha

I was actually voted Most Likely to Succeed in the 8th grade. What a sad joke that turned out to be.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Absolutely. I get the impression lots of folks here can relate to my experience of being a "gifted" kid in elementary school—did well in class, excellent on tests, constantly praised for being deep and intelligent and empathetic.

Smash cut to 30 years later, I'm miserable, barely able to function at my soul-crushing part-time job, no insurance, no retirement, no paid holidays, no prospects of anything better, more student debt than I'll ever be able to pay off... Things ain't going well haha

I'm in a very similar boat. I was one of those kids. Growing up I thought I had such a bright future. I kept believing in that illusion as I got older, started quitting, getting off the paths to success. I thought wonderful special me would somehow blossom...as I RELAXED self-discipline instead of getting tougher and training.

My mind got so warped. I got into a lot of stupid and extreme ideologies online that drove me crazy. At my worst I became psychotic, superstitious, delusional. My soul is a wreck, awareness of it is excruciating, and I just want unconsciousness.

 

[Unlucky777]

I WAS successful up until age 30. Then I got into a relationship with an emotionally abusive partner who tore me down mentally, emotionally and financially, and I made a lot of mistakes along the way that I would oy have made had I not been in that relationship. From 30 to 44 I've been an absolute failure and waste of life.

I have many regrets

 

[lpdsvm]

I think I succeeded a lot given the fact that I had zero support, it doesn't matter if I will fail because I got a method. It is the greatest achievement.

 

[fedup1982]

Yup. I did well up to age 19 but then everything went to absolute shit. I had no idea my life was going to be such a failure

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yup. I did well up to age 19 but then everything went to absolute shit. I had no idea my life was going to be such a failure

Same. Things got weird at 20. I'm somehow 36 now. I want so badly to turn off my consciousness but there's no button

 

[Forveleth]

Thought I was a failure in my 20s. At 35 I realized my definition of "success" was based on societal expectations and was absolute bullshit. Now I am 40 and know that "success" should be aelf-defined and a constant moving target motivated by self improvement and nothing else.

 

[yotaka]

Same. Things got weird at 20. I'm somehow 36 now. I want so badly to turn off my consciousness but there's no button

Seems like you and I have some things in common. Not everything overlaps, of course, but it's at least nice to find a bit of connection.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

To societal standards, there's no doubt that I'm a failure, but I don't care about it. To my personal standards I'm pretty worthless too, but I don't sweat it much (meaning I'm not sad or frequently worried about it).

 

[catsalvation]

I think most people (including myself) thinks that. Even though I felt suicidal already in childhood, and wanted to stop existing at 18, there was still that hope that things can get better, I can build myself up etc. And then life just continues to be crap overall, and the hope leaves.

 

[dragon.//]

Absolutely. I get the impression lots of folks here can relate to my experience of being a "gifted" kid in elementary school—did well in class, excellent on tests, constantly praised for being deep and intelligent and empathetic.

Smash cut to 30 years later, I'm miserable, barely able to function at my soul-crushing part-time job, no insurance, no retirement, no paid holidays, no prospects of anything better, more student debt than I'll ever be able to pay off... Things ain't going well haha

Me too

 

[Cyc]

I was considered quite intelligent throughout primary school even though I was relentlessly bullied and didn't have a good home life

Even after I got sexually abused I was still somehow doing well academically and then I got into an abusive relationship and things went downhill from there. Ever since then I've been surviving, not living.

 

[OzymandiAsh]

I was a gifted kid, and I worked very hard to build a good future for myself. TOO hard, actually. I pushed myself physically, mentally, and emotionally to the limits until my nervous system crashed out and I developed a neurological, mind-body disorder called FND.

I wouldn't have done that if I had had loving parents who taught me to value myself for who I was and what I could do, but I didn't.

I suppose I can CTB now knowing that I tried my best and gave it my all, but I regret working and pushing myself so hard, I wish I just loved myself for who I was without trying to fucking change so much and be perfect and hypercompetent. If I was more laid back and used my ADHD like a superpower instead of fighting and suppressing it, maybe things would have worked out different. Then again, my life was always painful, difficult and traumatic, and it was always going to be difficult any way it went because I am very sensitive and predisposed to serious anger problems, depression and social anxiety.

In another life for example I wouldn't be surprised if things were going well, and then all of a sudden I got myself stabbed or seriously injured trying to heroically save someone or whatever. I am kinda fearless in some ways and that would have gotten me into deep shit sooner or later.

 

[yotaka]

I was just thinking in the last couple days, it's actually pretty amazing how badly I've messed my life up. I have failed so thoroughly and completely that there is no possibility of fixing things at this point. Like, in my day-to-day life, people can't even fathom how far removed my trajectory is from theirs. I would have to go back decades to even begin untangling the knot. In a way this is kind of freeing, though: I realize that there's pretty much just one option going forward, so I can finally arrange everything and do what needs to be done.

 

[itsgone2]

Absolutely. I get the impression lots of folks here can relate to my experience of being a "gifted" kid in elementary school—did well in class, excellent on tests, constantly praised for being deep and intelligent and empathetic.

Smash cut to 30 years later, I'm miserable, barely able to function at my soul-crushing part-time job, no insurance, no retirement, no paid holidays, no prospects of anything better, more student debt than I'll ever be able to pay off... Things ain't going well haha

I was very gifted in math. Always top 5 in the state in any sort of standardized testing. Went to school for engineering, lots of math, I can only remember a few tests getting less than a 100.
But I'm no engineer. Wanted to be and should have been a teacher. Talked into going for the larger salary. Got lucky for a while in IT but luck has run out.
A professor in college really wanted me to go the math professor route. Could have been a mentor. I was supposed to do that I think. It was right there. Too stupid to realize I had a gift so what's the point.
Seems we all have that story

 

[yotaka]

I was very gifted in math. Always top 5 in the state in any sort of standardized testing. Went to school for engineering, lots of math, I can only remember a few tests getting less than a 100.
But I'm no engineer. Wanted to be and should have been a teacher. Talked into going for the larger salary. Got lucky for a while in IT but luck has run out.
A professor in college really wanted me to go the math professor route. Could have been a mentor. I was supposed to do that I think. It was right there. Too stupid to realize I had a gift so what's the point.
Seems we all have that story

There's a particular kind of sting that comes with seeing the course one's life could have taken. I know what I would do differently now, but it's way too late...