Venting Failed partial, I don't think I'll ever CTB.

[Rumi]

I had intented to CTB some time this week, and had chosen partial hanging as my method. I believed, based on the testimony of users, that this method was simple and painless, and could even bring on a sensation of euphoria.

However, like many other users who have attempted this method, I found it far more difficult than the hanging megathread suggests. The first few times I attempted, I experienced the uncomfortable exploding-head sensation that occurs when only the jugulars veins are compressed. I also experienced intense pain no matter how I positioned the noose. I adjusted the height if the rope and tried several different knot positions with no avail, until, completely unexpectedly, I managed to restrict the carotid arteries.

My memory of what happened next is foggy, but I believe I was conscious throughout the attempt. I remember kneeling down into the noose, and experiencing the tingling sensation that occurs when the carotid arteries are compressed, as well as severe pain in my neck muscles.I am not sure how long I knelt there for, as I entered a lower level of consciousness, similar to how a person feels while falling asleep. The pain diminished while I was in this state, but as soon as I came out of it I became aware of the severe pain in my neck, which was somehow worse than before, as well as an intense feeling of panic that forced me to rip off the noose. For about a minute after my field of vision was white, bit gradually became more clear, and my neck is still sore some 20 minutes later.

I'm not sure what went wrong. The fact that my memory of the attempt is spotty, and that my vision disappeared temporarily, suggests that I was close to death, but why couldn't I fully lose consciousness?

All I know is that I will not be attempting this method again. I don't know how so many people around the world succeed with hanging. Maybe they just get lucky the first time and don't have the experience of regaining consciousness with a rope twisted tightly around their neck. I don't know how anyone could re-attempt this method after experiencing what I did. It must be even worse for people who attempted full suspension hanging.

Failing my attempt hasnt made me less suicidal, but it has made me realise that I am not at the point where I could attempt a method as painful as this one.
To attempt this method, knowing the pain it involves, a person must have given up on life completely and have exhausted every oppurtunity availabe to them. I'm just not at the point. I may never reach that point. If I had access to firearms or SN, I would be gone in a jiffy, but as long as I am restricted to horrible methods, I think I will just have to give life another shot. Maybe if life kicks me down enough I will have the courage to try again, but for now, I don't see that happening.

To those who maintain that partial is a peaceful method, I would say that that largely depends on chance. There are clearly people who have attempted this method without experiencing the pain and panic that I did, but as someone who has attempted this method, I can tell you that what the chance of success is not worth the risk.

I am sorry if this post is so long and disorganised. I am just really struggling with the realisation that I may never CTB. I was so sure that I would find a way, but failing partial really has me doubting myself. Im just not ready for another 60 years of life. But there's nothing I can do.

 

[FuneralCry]

The difficulty and risky nature of ctb also keeps me trapped here, it's so horrible how it's this difficult to finally exit existence, it's such a cruel punishment to me how we cannot just peacefully pass away and that sounds like such an awful and terrifying experience what you went through. It certainly does make hanging sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear of all these people succeeding, I envy them, but anyway I wish you the best, I hate how we exist in a world where suicide isn't viewed as the valid option that it really is.

 

[Roses_and_clouds]

I had intented to CTB some time this week, and had chosen partial hanging as my method. I believed, based on the testimony of users, that this method was simple and painless, and could even bring on a sensation of euphoria.

However, like many other users who have attempted this method, I found it far more difficult than the hanging megathread suggests. The first few times I attempted, I experienced the uncomfortable exploding-head sensation that occurs when only the jugulars veins are compressed. I also experienced intense pain no matter how I positioned the noose. I adjusted the height if the rope and tried several different knot positions with no avail, until, completely unexpectedly, I managed to restrict the carotid arteries.

My memory of what happened next is foggy, but I believe I was conscious throughout the attempt. I remember kneeling down into the noose, and experiencing the tingling sensation that occurs when the carotid arteries are compressed, as well as severe pain in my neck muscles.I am not sure how long I knelt there for, as I entered a lower level of consciousness, similar to how a person feels while falling asleep. The pain diminished while I was in this state, but as soon as I came out of it I became aware of the severe pain in my neck, which was somehow worse than before, as well as an intense feeling of panic that forced me to rip off the noose. For about a minute after my field of vision was white, bit gradually became more clear, and my neck is still sore some 20 minutes later.

I'm not sure what went wrong. The fact that my memory of the attempt is spotty, and that my vision disappeared temporarily, suggests that I was close to death, but why couldn't I fully lose consciousness?

All I know is that I will not be attempting this method again. I don't know how so many people around the world succeed with hanging. Maybe they just get lucky the first time and don't have the experience of regaining consciousness with a rope twisted tightly around their neck. I don't know how anyone could re-attempt this method after experiencing what I did. It must be even worse for people who attempted full suspension hanging.

Failing my attempt hasnt made me less suicidal, but it has made me realise that I am not at the point where I could attempt a method as painful as this one.
To attempt this method, knowing the pain it involves, a person must have given up on life completely and have exhausted every oppurtunity availabe to them. I'm just not at the point. I may never reach that point. If I had access to firearms or SN, I would be gone in a jiffy, but as long as I am restricted to horrible methods, I think I will just have to give life another shot. Maybe if life kicks me down enough I will have the courage to try again, but for now, I don't see that happening.

To those who maintain that partial is a peaceful method, I would say that that largely depends on chance. There are clearly people who have attempted this method without experiencing the pain and panic that I did, but as someone who has attempted this method, I can tell you that what the chance of success is not worth the risk.

I am sorry if this post is so long and disorganised. I am just really struggling with the realisation that I may never CTB. I was so sure that I would find a way, but failing partial really has me doubting myself. Im just not ready for another 60 years of life. But there's nothing I can do.

Never CTB ing just means that you have to focus on living. You didn't fail just because you couldn't CTB. You tried, didn't work, try to move on and focus on living a better life. You can write the things you struggle in life here, maybe we can help. It's never late for happiness.

 

[Vizzy]

I had intented to CTB some time this week, and had chosen partial hanging as my method. I believed, based on the testimony of users, that this method was simple and painless, and could even bring on a sensation of euphoria.

However, like many other users who have attempted this method, I found it far more difficult than the hanging megathread suggests. The first few times I attempted, I experienced the uncomfortable exploding-head sensation that occurs when only the jugulars veins are compressed. I also experienced intense pain no matter how I positioned the noose. I adjusted the height if the rope and tried several different knot positions with no avail, until, completely unexpectedly, I managed to restrict the carotid arteries.

My memory of what happened next is foggy, but I believe I was conscious throughout the attempt. I remember kneeling down into the noose, and experiencing the tingling sensation that occurs when the carotid arteries are compressed, as well as severe pain in my neck muscles.I am not sure how long I knelt there for, as I entered a lower level of consciousness, similar to how a person feels while falling asleep. The pain diminished while I was in this state, but as soon as I came out of it I became aware of the severe pain in my neck, which was somehow worse than before, as well as an intense feeling of panic that forced me to rip off the noose. For about a minute after my field of vision was white, bit gradually became more clear, and my neck is still sore some 20 minutes later.

I'm not sure what went wrong. The fact that my memory of the attempt is spotty, and that my vision disappeared temporarily, suggests that I was close to death, but why couldn't I fully lose consciousness?

All I know is that I will not be attempting this method again. I don't know how so many people around the world succeed with hanging. Maybe they just get lucky the first time and don't have the experience of regaining consciousness with a rope twisted tightly around their neck. I don't know how anyone could re-attempt this method after experiencing what I did. It must be even worse for people who attempted full suspension hanging.

Failing my attempt hasnt made me less suicidal, but it has made me realise that I am not at the point where I could attempt a method as painful as this one.
To attempt this method, knowing the pain it involves, a person must have given up on life completely and have exhausted every oppurtunity availabe to them. I'm just not at the point. I may never reach that point. If I had access to firearms or SN, I would be gone in a jiffy, but as long as I am restricted to horrible methods, I think I will just have to give life another shot. Maybe if life kicks me down enough I will have the courage to try again, but for now, I don't see that happening.

To those who maintain that partial is a peaceful method, I would say that that largely depends on chance. There are clearly people who have attempted this method without experiencing the pain and panic that I did, but as someone who has attempted this method, I can tell you that what the chance of success is not worth the risk.

I am sorry if this post is so long and disorganised. I am just really struggling with the realisation that I may never CTB. I was so sure that I would find a way, but failing partial really has me doubting myself. Im just not ready for another 60 years of life. But there's nothing I can do.

I think your si kicked in, hope you find peace

Never CTB ing just means that you have to focus on living. You didn't fail just because you couldn't CTB. You tried, didn't work, try to move on and focus on living a better life. You can write the things you struggle in life here, maybe we can help. It's never late for happiness.

Stop giving this better life advices in suicide section especially someone is venting

Do it in recovery section

 

[Rumi]

Never CTB ing just means that you have to focus on living. You didn't fail just because you couldn't CTB. You tried, didn't work, try to move on and focus on living a better life. You can write the things you struggle in life here, maybe we can help. It's never late for happiness.

I haven't given up on life completely, but I would CTB without hesitation if I had a better method.

For me its never been a matter of finding happiness. I know the things I would need to fee happy, or at least content. I just cant imagine a future where I have those things.

I think your si kicked in, hope you find peace

I never really believed that SI is as powerful as it is made out to be until this attempt. I had definitley begun to lose consciousness, so unless the rope was just slightly too loose, or became loose because I shifted my weight in some way. I regained consciousness entirely as a result of SI. Those are the only two explanations for my failure that I can come up with.

 

[inmyhead]

SI is absolutely strong. I had a similar attempt earlier this week and tried to do it. I went for full because I had a good anchor point and the minute I stepped off the chair I got the tingles. But the SI kicked in too. I know I was pulling at the noose a bit, and then it the knot I tied on the anchor knot slipped and my feet landed on the floor. I was so out of it at that point I wasn't aware of my feet being on the floor and I was still convulsing. So I think I did actually black out, and then the knot slipped. It was shockingly fast.

Then I slept for like 24 hours cause I had sedated myself to try and cope with it.

Wishing you well, I know how you feel right now. Take it easy and be good to yourself.

 

[Worndown]

Partial has the mystique of being this easy and peaceful way to pass. The easy part is setting it up and being ready to go.

Succeeding means you put all the weight you have into the ligature. Holding it long after SI kicks in. Not standing or sitting up to stop it. If you do pass out, shifting position can loosed the ligature and let you wake up enough to escape.

Full set up just as easily but requires full commitment to step off and actually hang. Once accomplished, you pass out in seconds. Video's show 3 to 10 depending on placement and physiology.

Since most do reach for the rope, SI does kick in but you have no recourse at that point. Some just hang there relaxed and go limp when they pass out. Time finishes the process.

Having worked up the courage to try, you should not have to do it again due to failure.