Ambie
Member
- Jun 13, 2019
- 46
This is fucking hopeless. I tried to hang myself yesterday and After maybe 1 second i get this rush of extreme panic and really strong deja vu-like feeling, i've been in this situation before .. It was absolutely terrifying and it took me like an hour to stop shaking and panicking afterwards. When I was a kid I was almost murdered and I have really bad ptsd because of that. So apparently death is the worst possible trigger. if I try to kill myself its like my childhood all over again. Theres just no way i'm going to overcome the survival instinct if I'm in the middle of a flashback of my worst fears. I dont think changing the method would help either, i dont have access to N or guns here in Europe so hanging is my best choice. Its just infuriating that ptsd is the reason i want to die and its the same fucking reason why I cant do it. i dont know what to do. Can someone please help how can I ctb without going to the state of panic and terror?? The thought of living through one more day in this hellhole is fucking unbearable