Failed attempt to CTB with Inert Gas

[PlannedforPeru]

STORY/VENT:

I honestly dreaded that I'd ever had an attempt under my belt, just wanted the first to be the last. This morning I tried to CTB using the Inert Gas method via nitrogen and EEBD hood and even with hindsight I couldn't say what went wrong.

I thought I had everything perfect, I found a secluded location, drank alcohol to ease any potential SI, tested with a mannequin head just prior and the oxygen reader dropped to >1 in about a minute. Once I went under the hood though I was in there for around 5 minutes expecting to just knock out sometime under 3. There was little panic, but barely any survival instinct or nothing. The reason I took it off is at the rate it was going if I was still conscious watching the PSI meter tick down then I worried there wouldn't be enough to finish the job. I don't even know how it's possible that I stayed awake that long.

This was it, I had accepted that there was no future from here on with me in it besides a corpse. I cried, pleaded, and yelled in the back of my car till my voice went raspy wondering "why?". I thought I'd be one of the lucky few to soak up info on SS and CTB without a hitch; unfortunately it seems the universe has different ideas, and my fear of becoming a long-time lurker here will be realized.

I'm tired, I moved on this plan for months just to be left hanging to dry, I want to attempt again but I don't know if I have it in me, getting there took so much energy. This was supposed to be one of if not the easiest ways out that's realistically accessible and it was supposed to be painless and peaceful and god damn successful. The SI for me was not putting on the hood, it is rebuilding the emotional drive of doing it again. I'd parallel the feeling to how you would react to a job you been pining or grinding for not falling through.

I'm hardly human anymore, I can't relate to those in my circle who are thinking about who likes them, their dream job, or their bucket lists nor do I really want to. My bucket list is having a hitman blow my head off some random night after I go to sleep.

If I couldn't do this, I don't think I could do anything short of a nembutal equivalent. Well, back to the grind I guess. Suffice to say I'm not emotionally sober rn but I'm fantasizing about a life of self-medicating with alcohol or drug abuse as so far the "right" techniques mental wellbeing has done jack shit.


INFORMATIONAL:

To provide a little bit of hopefully a constructive critique of my own technique to impart my on knowledge those who have yet to try. If you have the privacy and the budget, go for a big tank enough so to not have to worry the same way I did (mine was 40cf which I believed was enough at 25/LPM). If you have a hood, I'd recommend doing the exit bag breathing technique of hyperventilating for two minutes and going in after an exhale. Lastly, I think my breathing in the hood was not ideal, I took short-ish rapid breaths in and out.

There were and as of now no physical symptoms of my attempt, no lightheadedness, no headache, nothing.

 

[KillingPain267]

I'm sorry to hear this. But don't get your knickers in a bunch about it. Inert gas is one of the most technical methods. I am not even smart enough to even attempt it!

I'm fantasizing about a life of self-medicating with alcohol or drug abuse as so far the "right" techniques mental wellbeing has done jack shit.

Been there, done that. Lasted about a year, was fun but dried out my finances and caused hellish withdrawals periods and health issues and fights with family. And now I am craving drugs and alcohol, probably for life, wishing I had never tried it. That's part of why I'm here venting and researching about my exit.

 

[PlannedforPeru]

@KillingPain267 Even though I long for a more effective coping mechanism if I'm gonna stick around, I'll heed your advice then and stay away from the substances. It really does feel like a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of situation.

 

[KillingPain267]

@KillingPain267 Even though I long for a more effective coping mechanism if I'm gonna stick around, I'll heed your advice then and stay away from the substances. It really does feel like a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of situation.

Yeah, it feels good and is very effective. But there's a reason opioids, cocaine and booze is not prescribed for mental health, lol. It is a very short term cope because the body builds tolerance and then dependence. But once you tried you never want to stop, but that's when you'll get even worse problems and even when you get clean it seems the cravings never stop because the brain remembers.

 

[outrider567]

STORY/VENT:

I honestly dreaded that I'd ever had an attempt under my belt, just wanted the first to be the last. This morning I tried to CTB using the Inert Gas method via nitrogen and EEBD hood and even with hindsight I couldn't say what went wrong.

I thought I had everything perfect, I found a secluded location, drank alcohol to ease any potential SI, tested with a mannequin head just prior and the oxygen reader dropped to >1 in about a minute. Once I went under the hood though I was in there for around 5 minutes expecting to just knock out sometime under 3. There was little panic, but barely any survival instinct or nothing. The reason I took it off is at the rate it was going if I was still conscious watching the PSI meter tick down then I worried there wouldn't be enough to finish the job. I don't even know how it's possible that I stayed awake that long.

This was it, I had accepted that there was no future from here on with me in it besides a corpse. I cried, pleaded, and yelled in the back of my car till my voice went raspy wondering "why?". I thought I'd be one of the lucky few to soak up info on SS and CTB without a hitch; unfortunately it seems the universe has different ideas, and my fear of becoming a long-time lurker here will be realized.

I'm tired, I moved on this plan for months just to be left hanging to dry, I want to attempt again but I don't know if I have it in me, getting there took so much energy. This was supposed to be one of if not the easiest ways out that's realistically accessible and it was supposed to be painless and peaceful and god damn successful. The SI for me was not putting on the hood, it is rebuilding the emotional drive of doing it again. I'd parallel the feeling to how you would react to a job you been pining or grinding for not falling through.

I'm hardly human anymore, I can't relate to those in my circle who are thinking about who likes them, their dream job, or their bucket lists nor do I really want to. My bucket list is having a hitman blow my head off some random night after I go to sleep.

If I couldn't do this, I don't think I could do anything short of a nembutal equivalent. Well, back to the grind I guess. Suffice to say I'm not emotionally sober rn but I'm fantasizing about a life of self-medicating with alcohol or drug abuse as so far the "right" techniques mental wellbeing has done jack shit.


INFORMATIONAL:

To provide a little bit of hopefully a constructive critique of my own technique to impart my on knowledge those who have yet to try. If you have the privacy and the budget, go for a big tank enough so to not have to worry the same way I did (mine was 40cf which I believed was enough at 25/LPM). If you have a hood, I'd recommend doing the exit bag breathing technique of hyperventilating for two minutes and going in after an exhale. Lastly, I think my breathing in the hood was not ideal, I took short-ish rapid breaths in and out.

There were and as of now no physical symptoms of my attempt, no lightheadedness, no headache, nothing.

What did your O2 level drop down to? What did the oximeter say?

 

[lebrodude]

Sounds like a mix of you not being quite ready yet and a dose of paranoia of failure in your setup.

There's no shame in that, it's a scary situation.

If only Nitchske' sarco was widely available. Sadly I don't think we will be seeing that anytime soon.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

As they say...try..fail...try again...fail better...
In all seriousness, don't beat yourself up. This is a hard method with lots of technicalities.

I hope that one day in the distant future this society will be open minded enough to allow people to exit easily and surely, without the fear of waking up. No more failed attempts.

 

[PlannedforPeru]

What did your O2 level drop down to? What did the oximeter say?

I tested the setup with the oxygen detector and the lowest it got before I stopped the test to save on gas was 0.3. Unfortunately I couldn't say for the oximeter, I had the finger oximeter in the console of my car that I opted not to use as I thought it'd might make me panic seeing the number drop down enough. If I muster up the courage to try again, do you know what percentage I'm trying to reach before I go unconscious?

Sounds like a mix of you not being quite ready yet and a dose of paranoia of failure in your setup.

There's no shame in that, it's a scary situation.

If only Nitchske' sarco was widely available. Sadly I don't think we will be seeing that anytime soon.

Seriously, going beyond just having access to a more successful means, it feels shitty going behind family and healthcare system's back trying to hack a solution all on your own.

As they say...try..fail...try again...fail better...
In all seriousness, don't beat yourself up. This is a hard method with lots of technicalities.

I hope that one day in the distant future this society will be open minded enough to allow people to exit easily and surely, without the fear of waking up. No more failed attempts.

Yeah, I'm undecided if I should continue to fail better or try differently, I do know I can't go back to the gas store so soon though for a refill so that gives me time to reflect. To both yours and lebrodude's response on an accommodating society, here's to hoping it comes sooner rather than later or that we may find peace in the interim . Your responses since day 1 have made my days brighter, if you are still planning on N I wish you well on your search and travels.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Yeah, I'm undecided if I should continue to fail better or try differently, I do know I can't go back to the gas store so soon though for a refill so that gives me time to reflect. To both yours and lebrodude's response on an accommodating society, here's to hoping it comes sooner rather than later or that we may find peace in the interim . Your responses since day 1 have made my days brighter, if you are still planning on N I wish you well on your search and travels.

Yeah probably best not to risk going back to the same store too soon. I would maybe try a different gas store if it was available to me if I were you.
I am glad my responses made your days brighter. I guess I am at least still good for something lmao. I will be starting my preparations in exactly one month. And in three months if all goes well I will embark on my death journey. If I can't find N, I will have to find SN - big yikes. I've considered gas before but I'm all thumbs and I know I will just end up writing the exact same post you've written :) Why does it have to be so difficult to die uuughhhrrrrr.

 

[athiestjoe]

I'm really sorry to hear about your failure. I can't imagine all the emotions you're going through, especially the frustration. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story—it really helps others to hear and hopefully learn from it.

I hope you find clarity about what went wrong. If you decide this is still what you want, I'm wishing you all the best if you try again. And if you've realized it's not for you, that's totally okay too—we're here for you no matter what.

Whatever you choose, I hope you find peace & serenity.

 

[killmesoftly]

STORY/VENT:

I honestly dreaded that I'd ever had an attempt under my belt, just wanted the first to be the last. This morning I tried to CTB using the Inert Gas method via nitrogen and EEBD hood and even with hindsight I couldn't say what went wrong.

I thought I had everything perfect, I found a secluded location, drank alcohol to ease any potential SI, tested with a mannequin head just prior and the oxygen reader dropped to >1 in about a minute. Once I went under the hood though I was in there for around 5 minutes expecting to just knock out sometime under 3. There was little panic, but barely any survival instinct or nothing. The reason I took it off is at the rate it was going if I was still conscious watching the PSI meter tick down then I worried there wouldn't be enough to finish the job. I don't even know how it's possible that I stayed awake that long.

This was it, I had accepted that there was no future from here on with me in it besides a corpse. I cried, pleaded, and yelled in the back of my car till my voice went raspy wondering "why?". I thought I'd be one of the lucky few to soak up info on SS and CTB without a hitch; unfortunately it seems the universe has different ideas, and my fear of becoming a long-time lurker here will be realized.

I'm tired, I moved on this plan for months just to be left hanging to dry, I want to attempt again but I don't know if I have it in me, getting there took so much energy. This was supposed to be one of if not the easiest ways out that's realistically accessible and it was supposed to be painless and peaceful and god damn successful. The SI for me was not putting on the hood, it is rebuilding the emotional drive of doing it again. I'd parallel the feeling to how you would react to a job you been pining or grinding for not falling through.

I'm hardly human anymore, I can't relate to those in my circle who are thinking about who likes them, their dream job, or their bucket lists nor do I really want to. My bucket list is having a hitman blow my head off some random night after I go to sleep.

If I couldn't do this, I don't think I could do anything short of a nembutal equivalent. Well, back to the grind I guess. Suffice to say I'm not emotionally sober rn but I'm fantasizing about a life of self-medicating with alcohol or drug abuse as so far the "right" techniques mental wellbeing has done jack shit.


INFORMATIONAL:

To provide a little bit of hopefully a constructive critique of my own technique to impart my on knowledge those who have yet to try. If you have the privacy and the budget, go for a big tank enough so to not have to worry the same way I did (mine was 40cf which I believed was enough at 25/LPM). If you have a hood, I'd recommend doing the exit bag breathing technique of hyperventilating for two minutes and going in after an exhale. Lastly, I think my breathing in the hood was not ideal, I took short-ish rapid breaths in and out.

There were and as of now nocal symptoms of my attempt, no lightheadedness, no headache, nothing.

I'm so sorry, I can't understand why it didn't work either. I haven't done a ton of research on EEBD hoods, but may I ask why you chose this over an exit bag? All I can think is it differs from the protocol used by exit organizations, as I'm guessing they are a less reliable method of CTB. Even though a hood might feel less macabre, I'm not sure of the success rates compared to using an exit bag. Perhaps the way an exit bag holds a larger quantity of gas has something to do with it... Or maybe when you exhale the nitrogen, the stuff that isn't absorbed/you breath out goes out the exit valve of the hood, whereas the gas cycles differently in an exit bag? All just guesses, I'm sorry I'm not smart enough to say for sure.

I think not eating or drinking much a few days beforehand could be helpful to have the body be more weak, although I can't say it's a foolproof method because I tried it myself with the inert gas method a month ago and my SI still kicked in too strong, and it's not pleasant to semi-starve yourself.

 

[PlannedforPeru]

I'm really sorry to hear about your failure. I can't imagine all the emotions you're going through, especially the frustration. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story—it really helps others to hear and hopefully learn from it.

I hope you find clarity about what went wrong. If you decide this is still what you want, I'm wishing you all the best if you try again. And if you've realized it's not for you, that's totally okay too—we're here for you no matter what.

Whatever you choose, I hope you find peace & serenity.

I'm glad if my post has made someone feel a little less alone or as you say a lesson to learn from, I just wish we lived in a world where these lessons wouldn't have to be learned.

Thank you man, I see you posting a lot especially so in making people feel comfortable in their final moments or in providing them with warm reception regardless of their choice to CTB; In acting as a paragon of compassion, I do hope you have or are in the process of finding your own peace & serenity just as well.

I'm so sorry, I can't understand why it didn't work either. I haven't done a ton of research on EEBD hoods, but may I ask why you chose this over an exit bag? All I can think is it differs from the protocol used by exit organizations, as I'm guessing they are a less reliable method of CTB. Even though a hood might feel less macabre, I'm not sure of the success rates compared to using an exit bag. Perhaps the way an exit bag holds a larger quantity of gas has something to do with it... Or maybe when you exhale the nitrogen, the stuff that isn't absorbed/you breath out goes out the exit valve of the hood, whereas the gas cycles differently in an exit bag? All just guesses, I'm sorry I'm not smart enough to say for sure.

I think not eating or drinking much a few days beforehand could be helpful to have the body be more weak, although I can't say it's a foolproof method because I tried it myself with the inert gas method a month ago and my SI still kicked in too strong, and it's not pleasant to semi-starve yourself.

I chose this method as it does feel less macabre but also I did not entrust myself to construct the exit bag properly. I worried about an endless list of things from it having a hole poked into it, not be tight enough, popping, and more. The one advantage I read about for the exit bag was that unconsciousness was achieved a lot quicker. I knew the EEBD hood would be in the minutes range but I honestly did not expect to hit anywhere near the 5-minute mark. You may be on to something though with the exit valve of the hood as for me it's really just a hole in a circle surrounded by four border outlines (if that makes sense?). I'll post images of my set-up if you are interested.

If you do decide to go through with this method or are just curious about the research, I'd be happy to answer any questions about my experience to provide you with any insight.

 

[killmesoftly]

I understand, that was my feeling with the exit bag as well, the loudness of the gas and crinkliness of the bag didn't help either. I constructed one according to the Final Exit handbook that gives fairly straightforward instructions, but there are still so, so many variables at play. It's the most frustrating part about the method, no clear instructions that are easily accessible and a one size fits all. It's why I'm strongly considering switching methods to SN, but I might message you or reply here if I have any questions that come up. Thanks so much for the kind offer :)

 

[outrider567]

I tested the setup with the oxygen detector and the lowest it got before I stopped the test to save on gas was 0.3. Unfortunately I couldn't say for the oximeter, I had the finger oximeter in the console of my car that I opted not to use as I thought it'd might make me panic seeing the number drop down enough. If I muster up the courage to try again, do you know what percentage I'm trying to reach before I go unconscious?

Seriously, going beyond just having access to a more successful means, it feels shitty going behind family and healthcare system's back trying to hack a solution all on your own.

Yeah, I'm undecided if I should continue to fail better or try differently, I do know I can't go back to the gas store so soon though for a refill so that gives me time to reflect. To both yours and lebrodude's response on an accommodating society, here's to hoping it comes sooner rather than later or that we may find peace in the interim . Your responses since day 1 have made my days brighter, if you are still planning on N I wish you well on your search and travels.

I tested the setup with the oxygen detector and the lowest it got before I stopped the test to save on gas was 0.3. Unfortunately I couldn't say for the oximeter, I had the finger oximeter in the console of my car that I opted not to use as I thought it'd might make me panic seeing the number drop down enough. If I muster up the courage to try again, do you know what percentage I'm trying to reach before I go unconscious?

Seriously, going beyond just having access to a more successful means, it feels shitty going behind family and healthcare system's back trying to hack a solution all on your own.

Yeah, I'm undecided if I should continue to fail better or try differently, I do know I can't go back to the gas store so soon though for a refill so that gives me time to reflect. To both yours and lebrodude's response on an accommodating society, here's to hoping it comes sooner rather than later or that we may find peace in the interim . Your responses since day 1 have made my days brighter, if you are still planning on N I wish you well on your search and travels.

The Internet says you actually don't lose conciousness until your O2 level drops to 25, but you won't see that on the Oximeter because there is a 5 to 10 second delay(I took my hood off when it hit 70 but the oximeter reading kept dropping to 40)--Therefore, you could actually pass out when you see it hitting 50 or 60--That's why its dangerous to practice on yourself like I've done, about 5 times

 

[PlannedforPeru]

The Internet says you actually don't lose conciousness until your O2 level drops to 25, but you won't see that on the Oximeter because there is a 5 to 10 second delay(I took my hood off when it hit 70 but the oximeter reading kept dropping to 40)--Therefore, you could actually pass out when you see it hitting 50 or 60--That's why its dangerous to practice on yourself like I've done, about 5 times

Sorry I don't want to keep pestering you with a bunch of questions so this'll be the last one but have you had any symptoms from repeated attempts/practices?

 

[exitingtothevoid]

I'm so sorry you went through this.

How tight was the hood around your neck? Since there isn't a one way valve between the mask and hood, it makes sense that it would take longer to pass out since some of what you are breathing initially is the air that was in the hood from when you pulled it down. But at 25lpm I would have thought it would take much less than five minutes for all of the air in the hood to be purged out and replaced with pure nitrogen.

 

[PlannedforPeru]

How tight was the hood around your neck? Since there isn't a one way valve between the mask and hood, it makes sense that it would take longer to pass out since some of what you are breathing initially is the air that was in the hood from when you pulled it down. But at 25lpm I would have thought it would take much less than five minutes for all of the air in the hood to be purged out and replaced with pure nitrogen.

The neck strap from the hood was tight around my neck, I have to uncomfortably force my head through the hole. When it's on I can't stick a finger through without it pressing heavily against my neck. I'll post pictures my set-up here later tonight or tomorrow as I think it may paint a clearer picture.

 

[outrider567]

Sorry I don't want to keep pestering you with a bunch of questions so this'll be the last one but have you had any symptoms from repeated attempts/practices?

No, i'm perfectly healthy, physically, and the PSI on thre Nitrogen tank has not changed from the tests, but that's only because i have a 3500 liter tank, 69 lbs

 

[a_tired_autist]

Sry to hear that, best wishes to you for your future.

 

[PlannedforPeru]

Apologies for reviving this thread, here is my set-up for any people checking it out in the future or those who I told would pics post here.

 

[sweetcreep]

the reason why i switched methods from inert gas to SN was because inert gas has too many factors. too many mistakes can be made. and i don't trust myself to be able to set everything up correctly. i'm so sorry you had that experience, i wouldn't wish that on anyone. thank you for sharing your story for others to learn from.