S
SmallPika
Member
- Jul 15, 2022
- 11
GOD FUCKING FUCK.
So I posted last Thursday about my first genuine attempt to ctb. Almost a week later, I'm still here. I've come to the shitty conclusion that the method I concocted (the only one I've found that's accessible to me), just can't work. The method is using a noose made out of bedsheets, tied to the clothing rod in my closet, then slung over the door. Well, the doors too short. Or I'm too tall. Or my head's too big. Whatever it is, the measurments don't add up. There needs to be enough slack in the rope for me to fit my head through. Even the tightest possible squeeze results in my feet hitting the ground when the knot sinches.
Now I'm shit out of luck. That was the only option. Tomorrow I'm seeing my counselor. I'm not telling her shit about any of it. I don't know what I will talk about honestly since this is all I've been thinking about or doing for the past two weeks.
I just want something other than life. It doesn't even have to be good. It doesn't help that I've been fantisising about "heaven" where I'm healthy and capable and people like me.
So I posted last Thursday about my first genuine attempt to ctb. Almost a week later, I'm still here. I've come to the shitty conclusion that the method I concocted (the only one I've found that's accessible to me), just can't work. The method is using a noose made out of bedsheets, tied to the clothing rod in my closet, then slung over the door. Well, the doors too short. Or I'm too tall. Or my head's too big. Whatever it is, the measurments don't add up. There needs to be enough slack in the rope for me to fit my head through. Even the tightest possible squeeze results in my feet hitting the ground when the knot sinches.
Now I'm shit out of luck. That was the only option. Tomorrow I'm seeing my counselor. I'm not telling her shit about any of it. I don't know what I will talk about honestly since this is all I've been thinking about or doing for the past two weeks.
I just want something other than life. It doesn't even have to be good. It doesn't help that I've been fantisising about "heaven" where I'm healthy and capable and people like me.