hhh_
9/27🪦
- Jun 17, 2023
- 22
my bf is going to the ph in 5 days for a 5 week vacation w his family and i'm getting extremely anxious. i wouldn't have minded if the time difference wasn't so drastic (we live in canada, so like 12 hrs diff) as id still be able to talk to him throughout the day.
the reason why i'm so overly anxious is because of how terrible my anxiety is getting and he's really the only person i talk to, and i'm especially scared when night comes because i can't handle night very well due to extreme paranoia and usually we stay up and do things together like watch movies and play games and he always assures me things are okay but now that he's leaving soon i'm so scared. i know i can so all those things myself but i really can't, when i'm alone i suffer from hard delusions and even then when he's around it's just a distraction, but still i feel a lot safer when we're talking and i can clearly hear his voice and presence.
its a vacation to our home country so id assume he'd be busy when it's night for me (morning for him) but then when it's morning for me he'd be asleep. i'm also overly anxious that something might happen to him, like what if the plane crashes?? what if he gets kidnapped?? despite everyone i know whos on vacation being completely fine and my sister who is literally in the ph for vacation being fine also.
aside from being anxious i can't help but also feel a little jealous that everyone is going on vacation and i'm gonna be home all summer working and for ref my city is incredibly boring with nothing to do, i've been to all the fun places like 10x already.
i'm really scared because he's with me all the time and i really don't think i can manage being alone for 5 weeks especially with my anxiety spiking these past few weeks.
the reason why i'm so overly anxious is because of how terrible my anxiety is getting and he's really the only person i talk to, and i'm especially scared when night comes because i can't handle night very well due to extreme paranoia and usually we stay up and do things together like watch movies and play games and he always assures me things are okay but now that he's leaving soon i'm so scared. i know i can so all those things myself but i really can't, when i'm alone i suffer from hard delusions and even then when he's around it's just a distraction, but still i feel a lot safer when we're talking and i can clearly hear his voice and presence.
its a vacation to our home country so id assume he'd be busy when it's night for me (morning for him) but then when it's morning for me he'd be asleep. i'm also overly anxious that something might happen to him, like what if the plane crashes?? what if he gets kidnapped?? despite everyone i know whos on vacation being completely fine and my sister who is literally in the ph for vacation being fine also.
aside from being anxious i can't help but also feel a little jealous that everyone is going on vacation and i'm gonna be home all summer working and for ref my city is incredibly boring with nothing to do, i've been to all the fun places like 10x already.
i'm really scared because he's with me all the time and i really don't think i can manage being alone for 5 weeks especially with my anxiety spiking these past few weeks.
