Experiences with psychosis

[Foresight]

I'm wondering if anyone has experiences with psychosis they'd like to share? I've unfortunately found myself in a state of psychosis. I suppose my main issue is a kind of dissociative fugue. My body does not feel like me and my mind is in shambles. This state has come about unconsciously, so I have very little conscious control over my recovery. It feels like demonic possession at times, although I'm a rational thinker in better times so I know it's mental deterioration. I can't speak entirely appropriately and you can see it on my face, very strange happenings. I have severe ptsd and I know this is a product of that.

My husband is well aware. I don't feel anyone other than myself is in danger. I'm not violent so I don't think I'll be lashing out. I have little strength as well. I'm curious about the process of climbing out of an episode. This is unknown territory for me. I'm making an attempt to overcome without psychiatric medication. I have agoraphobia because of a facial deformity so I prefer solitude over outside help.

 

[noname223]

I had psychosis twice. But it later turned out I am bipolar with non-typical process. (that is probably not the right term.)
The medication against psychosis really help. Most people really need them to keep their act together. I tried it twice without them and I won't do it again.
My main problem is my mood but I also was very delusional in the past. I recognize that sometimes I am not fully "sane". I analyze situations from the past way too often or try to predict how I could behave smart in fututre conversations. Some people have for me a special meaning in an unhealthy manner.

It is a very mean illness at least for me. I have met many people with psychosis or schizophrenia. Some can deal with it pretty well...some can't...but this often depends to the severity.
I think I am a very severe case. Not due to the thing with the delusions/psychosis. For me my bigger problem is the mood and my obsessive thoughts about suicide.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I respect your right to make your own choice, so feel free to skip over my post immediately if you wish.

I have found that coming out of a psychotic episode - for me - often leads to a severe depression. Really bad. What you are describing sounds to me a lot like a mixed episode of bipolar disorder, which I have lots of experience with.

Because of this, I now choose to use meds to help bring about the end of the episode and sometimes to bring myself up if needed when it's over.

I do go off the meds I take just for episodes, so it doesn't have to mean making a long-term choice for meds.

It could mean leaving the house but perhaps you could find someone who could do an assessment remotely. I have found that this is one small upside to the current pandemic.

Wishing you good thoughts and a calmer mind.

 

[noname223]

I respect your right to make your own choice, so feel free to skip over my post immediately if you wish.

I have found that coming out of a psychotic episode - for me - often leads to a severe depression. Really bad. What you are describing sounds to me a lot like a mixed episode of bipolar disorder, which I have lots of experience with.

Because of this, I now choose to use meds to help bring about the end of the episode and sometimes to bring myself up if needed when it's over.

I do go off the meds I take just for episodes, so it doesn't have to mean making a long-term choice for meds.

It could mean leaving the house but perhaps you could find someone who could do an assessment remotely. I have found that this is one small upside to the current pandemic.

Wishing you good thoughts and a calmer mind.

I can only agree to this. After my both episodes I was extremely depressed. Doctors say this would predict a better outcome. (Because a mood disorder component is not as bad as cognitive problems. In my eyes this is bullshit but whatever.) I know a lot of people who were extremely depressed especially after the first episode.
Like they warned me in clinic. WIth the most positive euphemism they could have made. "Sometimes it will be hard for you to stand out of bed." Lmao if I knew what was coming.

I don't want to scare you. If you have especially cognitive problems the depression might won't be that bad. I know a guy who did not really have a severe depression I think. But the story of this dude is so sad I should not think more about it.

But one warning I am not a doctor. Though I have read a lot after my epsiodes but this was some years ago. So I cannot give a promise that everything is 100% right.

 

[steviewonder]

I did 3 tabs of LSD and had a psychotic episode where I felt entities were communicating with me.

They told me my life was cursed and that I would only get worse from here. They also told me that they were already in control of the earth and that they've decided to take control and wipe us out before we get too powerful. They said this was the nature of the universe and it must happen or it might happen to them.

Funnily enough everything about me has deteriorated over the last two years. My hairlines receding, people have lost all respect for me, I've had insomnia with 4 hours of sleep per night, my family are losing contact with me. I have no friends, girlfriends and life seems to be a struggle every day.

I didn't hear voices, but it was more of a telepathic thing. I personally don't believe it as I'm not a spiritual guy.

But my life does definitely feel cursed

 

[Foresight]

Thank you for your thoughts. I'm not thinking straight so any help is so welcome. I'll consider it because I'm not even sure if I'll survive this one. I'm bugged out of the universe. If they don't do remote it's a no go though because leaving the house with my agoraphobia is what triggered my downfall. I do have bipolar but it's been forgotten by me, my PTSD and deformity have taken over all issues in my mind.

If anyone is comfortable sharing what medications helped that would be appreciated. I haven't been on psych meds in over a decade. SSRIs gave me manic episodes as a teenager.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Even though a lot of people are afraid of it, I had very good experiences with lithium. It's a anti-manic that also helps with suicidal ideation. I had been on a good cocktail for a while but had an active suicide plan and was hospitalized.

The hospital docs added lithium and it shut off my suicidal mind like a switch. It was amazing.

It is prescribed by blood level so blood testing is necessary but once you hit your level the need for blood checks is rare. I know you may not be able to do this with the agoraphobia, so it might not be an option for you. Getting phlebotomist to come to the house is a possibility in some areas, but I know that having strangers in your home can also be triggering.

Other than that, I take Duloxetine (an anti-depressant but an SNRI rather than an SSRI) and Seroquel with chills me out. I take the extended version once a day and a booster of immediate release to help me sleep at night. I've been on some level of this cocktail for more than a decade and it works consistently for me.

 

[Foresight]

I did 3 tabs of LSD and had a psychotic episode where I felt entities were communicating with me.

They told me my life was cursed and that I would only get worse from here. They also told me that they were already in control of the earth and that they've decided to take control and wipe us out before we get too powerful. They said this was the nature of the universe and it must happen or it might happen to them.

Funnily enough everything about me has deteriorated over the last two years. My hairlines receding, people have lost all respect for me, I've had insomnia with 4 hours of sleep per night, my family are losing contact with me. I have no friends, girlfriends and life seems to be a struggle every day.

I didn't hear voices, but it was more of a telepathic thing. I personally don't believe it as I'm not a spiritual guy.

But my life does definitely feel cursed

The archons have spoken. I'm sorry you experienced that. I've done light trips on shrooms years ago and it was a beautiful experience.

I'm with you. I don't live my life according to any belief but I often wonder. I study theology for fun when I'm well and things get pretty weird in some of the off-kilter movements. My rational mind just says the mind is so powerful and can direct your perspective and outcomes.

 

[xoxo13]

hi y'all, new here and grateful for everyone sharing their experiences! i'm bipolar I & had my first experience with acute psychosis this past summer, after a sustained manic episode that definitely was somewhat induced by taking the wrong meds (SNRIs)& i think long term intense weed use. my experience didn't include explicit hallucinations (and as a spiritual person the experience felt blurred), but did include pretty much everything else ~

i haven't wanted to get on anti psychotics (was on abilify at one point and felt like it made me a zombie, brain fog was insufferable), but wellbutrin has been rly helpful in fighting off the Big Sad without bringing me into the psychotic state

 

[Foresight]

I'm not getting better. I've lost my mind, holy God. I'm half amazed at the state my mind is in and half terrified. I'm hoping I come out of it but I think I'm diving down into a place I won't return.

Of course I had to have such a weird death. There's too much trauma in my mind. I wish death with dignity was available here because I might need to be euthanized before long.

 

[noaccount]

Hi - are you sleeping enough? Sleep deprivation can make this worse for just about anyone. Is there anything you can take for sleep? Valerian and ashwaganda have worked for me.

Most people I've seen go through things like this, spent a long time trying to tell people about very true, real things that were bothering them, and being told "you're imagining it." I don't know your story of course. I hope this is a place where people are understanding and don't try to pigeonhole things into boxes like that.

 

[Foresight]

Hi - are you sleeping enough? Sleep deprivation can make this worse for just about anyone. Is there anything you can take for sleep? Valerian and ashwaganda have worked for me.

Most people I've seen go through things like this, spent a long time trying to tell people about very true, real things that were bothering them, and being told "you're imagining it." I don't know your story of course. I hope this is a place where people are understanding and don't try to pigeonhole things into boxes like that.

Hello, I think I have. I might need extra sleep. I have supplements hanging around. I have benadryl too, maybe I'll use that for a few days. I've dealt with a lot and my mind just snapped. I've lost track of time but it was after the new year. I can't believe how much time has passed. I think I'll sleep more than I have. I'm trying to ground myself.

 

[Angi]

You say you would like to ground yourself. Maybe have a look at Rayzieka's list of methods: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/grounding-techniques.81102/
I realize most of this will feel like it is tiny compared to the mnsters you are facing with it, but many tiny things add up!

 

[Foresight]

You say you would like to ground yourself. Maybe have a look at Rayzieka's list of methods: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/grounding-techniques.81102/
I realize most of this will feel like it is tiny compared to the mnsters you are facing with it, but many tiny things add up!

Thank you!!

 

[Foresight]

I'm updating this topic to look back on and I don't know why else. I'm disjointed from the world so I suppose I'm shouting out to see if I'm still here.

My mind has come to the conclusion that I'm already dead. My body forgot to shut off. I don't understand mortal life anymore. I'm probably full blown schizophrenic now. I'll see a doctor if this continues for the rest of the month.

 

[TheBestUsernameEver]

I was once kept in hospital overnight but couldn't sleep because of the lights and noise.

The following day I thought it would be a good idea to try to stay awake so as to prevent myself turning nocturnal.
I decided to go for a walk in the afternoon in a forest. The wind rustling the leaves in the trees sounded like loads of voices whispering to me.
Very strange experience.

Moral of the story: get a good night sleep!

 

[Konjac]

Bipolar so I'm no stranger to the odd psychotic episode every now and then. It's terrifying and it tends to vary. The delusions are one thing that's always consistent- it's always some big entity working against me, trying to hurt/kill me. The hallucinations usually aren't a massive problem, just insects crawling everywhere but sometimes I can talk myself out of it and recognise they're not real. Other times I'm hyperventilating and swatting at nothing. Either way it's never a good experience, it feels completely real in the moment and I end up doing things completely out of character. Come close to hurting people before and made my fair share of threats, if the delusions are coming in full blast I'm in a total kill or be killed mindset which I absolutely hate. Meds haven't helped much so far but I'm still trying to find one that works because fuck being psychotic.

 

[Foresight]

I've gained a whole new level of empathy for people who go through this. I can't even describe. My empathy expanded into something larger after this experience for some reason. Today is the first day in over two weeks that I am not experiencing psychosis of some sort. I can feel it almost buzzing underneath my levelheaded state of mind though. I know I'm closer to it than persistent sanity so I'm taking it easy. I can't believe it was over two weeks. My awareness of time and sense of self collapsed during all this.

The people who helped me and shared their experiences here, thank you so much. I slept extra last night so maybe that leveled me. You guys got me thinking that I do need to consider my bipolar diagnosis from many years ago. My other problems were my main focus in recovery so I guess I pretended I never had it. It did feel quite manic.