Discussion Experiences of Failed Attempts?

[Rocksandsand]

So I have adapted this from another post I made in a different thread:

"When I overdosed, but before I was found and resuscitated, the sense of calm was amazing. I finally felt at peace.

But that's not what actually happened, that's just where my memory cuts out.

SI is a strong fucking beast. I messaged a goodbye message to my partner, and he clued on to what I was doing. He called my mobile and I answered. I have no recall of the conversation or even sending the message - I was out of it on benzos, and probably dissociated - but apparently he asked me what I had done and if I actually wanted to die and I started crying and asking him to call an ambulance to my house.

So, it's interesting... My last recollection of that time is feeling completely at peace with dying. But apparently I wasn't? I still think longingly of the feeling of complete calm before my memory ends. My overdose was on propranolol, verapamil, imipramine, metoclopramide, stemetil, codeine, and diazepam. I was resuscitated in hospital but kept in an induced coma while my body metabolised the drugs.

I was so angry when I woke up to find I had survived, and angrier to find out that it was my fault."

What are other people's experiences of nearly dying? Or dying and being resuscitated? How did you feel when you woke up? Did it make you more or less determined?

 

[Earlgrey177]

My failed attempt was when I placed a plastic bag over my head and zip tied it, pretty uncomfortable but just like you, felt at peace eventually passing out and my mom finding me and ruining everything :(

 

[cornflowerblue]

Opiate OD. I didn't get euphoria from the drugs themselves so I sat around bored and anxious waiting for them to kick in, then nodded off. My physical experience was a lot like being blackout drunk and falling asleep without really remembering when exactly that happened, then waking up confused about where you are, without really remembering that you had been asleep. Nothing special.

The emotional wasn't related to method of CTB attempt. I was mad that I got saved, guilty for emotionally hurting other people, heartbroken and grieving over being alive, panicked about having to find a new method, emotionally claustrophobic and trapped by being unable to die.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

My only failed attempt so far wasn't very interesting. I just took a lot of clonazepam, clomipramine and risperidone without anti-emetics before going to sleep. That night I had incredibly loud hiccups and ended up waking up my parents. My mother told me that she managed to wake me up and asked me what was going on but I couldn't answer. I don't remember that. She didn't knew the symptoms of drug overdose and since I hid all the evidence, she left me to sleep. I woke up after almost 24 hours feeling still tired but with no pain or any nasty symptoms. Then I was taken to the hospital, though it wasn't even necessary and I would've recovered on my own. It was very peaceful and I think if I had taken three times that dosage I would've probably died. Unfortunately I never had the chance to try again as my meds were confiscated. It helped me learn a valuable lesson, though. I will not be that impulsive again in my next attempt.