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A clown š¤”
- Jan 2, 2023
- 201
I feel deeply alone, a loneliness that hurts a lot. For as long as i can remember i have been treated like a nasty insect with no feelings: nasty, ignoring me, patronizing me, rude, hitting me, abusing me, no respect, etc. It seems as if the goal of each person is to just hurt me even more.
I asked myself many times, Why do they treat me like this? What did i do to be treated like this? Am i doing something wrong? It's very rare when a person treats me well and it can bring tears to my eyes when someone does.
I really am very damaged even though my brain sometimes tries to go as numb as possible in order to protect itself. In fact, my brain can also make me forget things, especially those that hurt.
The few times i leave my house it causes me a lot of anxiety, stress and exhausts me too much.
Sometimes i play a battle royale that despite being stressful i guess i play it because it can lessen the feeling of loneliness a bit by how we cooperate to survive in the game, even though i'm playing with complete strangers who can sometimes be toxic. Sometimes i get lost in my imagination. I know, it's pathetic.
I try my best to look strong even though inside i am very damaged and suffer.
I think this post is somewhat erratic and messy, i guess it's my brain trying to deviate to try to lessen the pain a bit.
I feel abandoned.
I asked myself many times, Why do they treat me like this? What did i do to be treated like this? Am i doing something wrong? It's very rare when a person treats me well and it can bring tears to my eyes when someone does.
I really am very damaged even though my brain sometimes tries to go as numb as possible in order to protect itself. In fact, my brain can also make me forget things, especially those that hurt.
The few times i leave my house it causes me a lot of anxiety, stress and exhausts me too much.
Sometimes i play a battle royale that despite being stressful i guess i play it because it can lessen the feeling of loneliness a bit by how we cooperate to survive in the game, even though i'm playing with complete strangers who can sometimes be toxic. Sometimes i get lost in my imagination. I know, it's pathetic.
I try my best to look strong even though inside i am very damaged and suffer.
I think this post is somewhat erratic and messy, i guess it's my brain trying to deviate to try to lessen the pain a bit.
I feel abandoned.