dreaming_of_pearl
I miss you I love you I’m sorry
- Jun 10, 2023
- 54
The part 2 of that is I keep being told I have to love myself to get better and yes I'm trying but how can I not be mad at myself? Like yes I'm trying to get outpatient therapy and stuff but like, how can I not be angry with myself and hating her.
This body is rotting
This body has no skills to pleasure you
This body causes harm to others
That little girl inside me doesn't even feel alive. I'm mad at myself. Everyone is better than me.
EVREYONE IS ALWAYS BETTER THEN ME
When I first had sex with my gf (before we were dating) I didn't do it right. I didn't make her feel good I know deep down I didn't. Our freind had sex with her later that night (we were at an after party) and made her feel much better than I ever could. She said how she could still feel it on the plane home, if he wasn't weird and abandoned her for a while they probably would've been dating.
It's been a full year I still think about it I still think about all of this everything that I'm not I get reminded of it daily when I look at anything in my room
When I'm not otp with her I go though the worst stages of grief time and time again, I sit there in agonizing pain about how I'm so worthless I feel she reassures me I'm amazing and stuff but all I have to give is my money I know that deep down there isn't anything left of me that's good. I can't comfort people right, I can't act right it's no wonder my ex freind was keeping me in the dark, why he was mean to me when I deserved it.
Like I'm not supposed to be on here she doesn't want me to be but this is all I have I don't want to make everything about me like I always do, I don't want to appear sad to others. I don't want to cut myself and make her sad so I come here.
This body is rotting
This body has no skills to pleasure you
This body causes harm to others
That little girl inside me doesn't even feel alive. I'm mad at myself. Everyone is better than me.
EVREYONE IS ALWAYS BETTER THEN ME
When I first had sex with my gf (before we were dating) I didn't do it right. I didn't make her feel good I know deep down I didn't. Our freind had sex with her later that night (we were at an after party) and made her feel much better than I ever could. She said how she could still feel it on the plane home, if he wasn't weird and abandoned her for a while they probably would've been dating.
It's been a full year I still think about it I still think about all of this everything that I'm not I get reminded of it daily when I look at anything in my room
When I'm not otp with her I go though the worst stages of grief time and time again, I sit there in agonizing pain about how I'm so worthless I feel she reassures me I'm amazing and stuff but all I have to give is my money I know that deep down there isn't anything left of me that's good. I can't comfort people right, I can't act right it's no wonder my ex freind was keeping me in the dark, why he was mean to me when I deserved it.
Like I'm not supposed to be on here she doesn't want me to be but this is all I have I don't want to make everything about me like I always do, I don't want to appear sad to others. I don't want to cut myself and make her sad so I come here.
