A
Alnilam
Member
- Aug 29, 2022
- 90
Just three hours after I submitted my request for a credit card, it was declined. I thought I could borrow money from my parents to pay the minimum and just pretend I was buying clothes, but I can only ask for so much only 50$ and only once in a blue moon--the rest goes towards their savings. But now that plans been shot down. I don't know what to do now. I wanted my final moments to be comfortable and perfect--I wanted to buy myself a dress, a bow, new bedding, flowers, pillows for once and a teddybear to hug in my final moments. Nothing ever goes right, I can't do anything right, I can never win. I try to plan things out to the best of my ability and they always fail. It took so much just to muster the strength and courage to at least TRY to set something in motion to put an end to this suffering. I feel so numb and tired, I don't know what to do now. I'll have to find a way. I can't get a job because of my condition, I just feel like I'm going in circles. I have a source ready for everything I need, even the meto. I did all this research, prepping and planning only to be met with yet aother dead end. I just want to cry, but I feel so numb its like all my emotions have been muted. I just want to lay down and sleep. I hate this life, I can't even die in peace.