bpdgirl27
🎀 love fast, crash faster . 〜 ⭑.ᐟ
- Nov 5, 2025
- 9
this is what i wrote to myself earlier:
im going to ctb soon. i've completely failed myself and nobody gives 2 shits about me. my own family hates me, i have no friends, i've lost everything, and absolutely nobody understands me. its not like i never even tried. i gave it my all. i tried so unbelievably hard. its unfortunate that nobody is going to realize until it's too late. once i'm finally gone. i will quote their exact words on my note.
sorry if this is written terribly i'm really hurt right now and idk i js don't want to be alive anymore nobody loves me.
i wrote this a bit ago all over some food. i woke up, there was nothing to eat other than some ribs which i honestly find disgusting. i dont like to eat meat but it was the only thing to eat because we haven't gone grocery shopping yet. i woke up and i was extremely hungry and thats simply all there was to eat. my emotionally abusive dad decides to throw a massive fit over it and go on a narcissistic rant to my mom pretending like i cant hear him about how i'm a failure, will never amount to anything, and of course the bible. what he's brainwashed by. all of that just because i ate some food that i wasn't even aware was his. now all of a sudden i'm this massive failure with no consideration for others (i didnt know it was his btw, i thought it was just left overs no one ate) and how i do nothing but sit in my room and whatever else. by the way i am genuinely one of the most understanding and considerate person anyone will ever encounter in their life. like hell man i even understand why mass murderers did what they did. and its not like he doesn't understand the fact that i am mentally suffering. it wasn't even a few months ago where i was sent to the mental hospital and finally revealed all of my feelings. he knows i have depression, he knows i take medication just to try and function normally. but per usual he always forgets. and treats me as if i'm the same as him. he pretty much completely hates me just because i'm depressed, which is mainly because of him. and of course "why didnt you just ask? why didnt you just see if they were awake?" because then i'll just get called annoying and useless and worthless and a fucking nuisance for just asking. i dont even want to go into their room to see if they're home because i'm already so fucking broken and torn to pieces i can't take anymore insults. again im so sorry if this is all over the place im really distraught right now. i was just hungry and wanted something to eat and just because of that i feel even worse than i have for the past week. i've been stuck in bed and today i was literally planning to finally get up and try and do something. but of course per usual i just get a massive punch to the face. im probably leaving out so much important stuff but im trying my best. literally all over some food now i'm feeling worse than i have since the start of the week.
idk. i dont have any friends. i dont have anything going for me anymore. i lost everything i had. my own family hates me and i'm not the person they wanted me to be. it's time i just ctb. the only person that cares about me is my mom and that's just out of pity. i've done nothing good, helpful or anything remotely useful in this world. i just wish i could do it. idk what in me keeps finding hope like no magic hand is just gonna reach out to me and save me. i just wanna do it. what the hell and i so hopeful for? what am i waiting on?? i just wanna od on my prescriptions (prob adderall and prozac) and just go through the pain of passing. i don't even care if it hurts anymore. i'm sick of my existence equally as everyone else is. i'm sorry to everyone and i'm sorry for having you waste your time reading this. i promise i'll go soon.
im going to ctb soon. i've completely failed myself and nobody gives 2 shits about me. my own family hates me, i have no friends, i've lost everything, and absolutely nobody understands me. its not like i never even tried. i gave it my all. i tried so unbelievably hard. its unfortunate that nobody is going to realize until it's too late. once i'm finally gone. i will quote their exact words on my note.
sorry if this is written terribly i'm really hurt right now and idk i js don't want to be alive anymore nobody loves me.
i wrote this a bit ago all over some food. i woke up, there was nothing to eat other than some ribs which i honestly find disgusting. i dont like to eat meat but it was the only thing to eat because we haven't gone grocery shopping yet. i woke up and i was extremely hungry and thats simply all there was to eat. my emotionally abusive dad decides to throw a massive fit over it and go on a narcissistic rant to my mom pretending like i cant hear him about how i'm a failure, will never amount to anything, and of course the bible. what he's brainwashed by. all of that just because i ate some food that i wasn't even aware was his. now all of a sudden i'm this massive failure with no consideration for others (i didnt know it was his btw, i thought it was just left overs no one ate) and how i do nothing but sit in my room and whatever else. by the way i am genuinely one of the most understanding and considerate person anyone will ever encounter in their life. like hell man i even understand why mass murderers did what they did. and its not like he doesn't understand the fact that i am mentally suffering. it wasn't even a few months ago where i was sent to the mental hospital and finally revealed all of my feelings. he knows i have depression, he knows i take medication just to try and function normally. but per usual he always forgets. and treats me as if i'm the same as him. he pretty much completely hates me just because i'm depressed, which is mainly because of him. and of course "why didnt you just ask? why didnt you just see if they were awake?" because then i'll just get called annoying and useless and worthless and a fucking nuisance for just asking. i dont even want to go into their room to see if they're home because i'm already so fucking broken and torn to pieces i can't take anymore insults. again im so sorry if this is all over the place im really distraught right now. i was just hungry and wanted something to eat and just because of that i feel even worse than i have for the past week. i've been stuck in bed and today i was literally planning to finally get up and try and do something. but of course per usual i just get a massive punch to the face. im probably leaving out so much important stuff but im trying my best. literally all over some food now i'm feeling worse than i have since the start of the week.
idk. i dont have any friends. i dont have anything going for me anymore. i lost everything i had. my own family hates me and i'm not the person they wanted me to be. it's time i just ctb. the only person that cares about me is my mom and that's just out of pity. i've done nothing good, helpful or anything remotely useful in this world. i just wish i could do it. idk what in me keeps finding hope like no magic hand is just gonna reach out to me and save me. i just wanna do it. what the hell and i so hopeful for? what am i waiting on?? i just wanna od on my prescriptions (prob adderall and prozac) and just go through the pain of passing. i don't even care if it hurts anymore. i'm sick of my existence equally as everyone else is. i'm sorry to everyone and i'm sorry for having you waste your time reading this. i promise i'll go soon.
