Venting Everything seems so difficult

[Iwantoutrightnow]

It feels like everything is so difficult, especially successful ctb. I can't afford N, I don't have access to the anti emetics for SN, nowhere in my flat lends itself to hanging, I don't understand the night night method, I don't have access to inert gas, if I can get over the si to jump I have to travel, if I want to drown I have to travel.

My Aunt has always maintained that if I really wanted to ctb I would have done it by now but not having thought about ctbing herself she has no idea that it is actually (or so it feels) quite difficult.

She has said that it would be easy to just get a load of paracetamol and overdose. But paracetamol is incredibly painful and can take a long time. I want to end my suffering not increase it by giving myself organ damage. To her this is just me saying that I don't really want to ctb.

I am at my wits end but I am also too exhausted to work out what to do.

 

[not_a_robot]

Same. I just feel like an idiot. Too useless to ctb myself, too useless to live.
But I am really hoping some of the people who won't be using their N by the expiration date will sell it at a discount...
Also paracetamol is not all hopeless.
Organ failure can qualify one for assisted suicide, if one cannot ctb successfully and merely causes liver damage. But even that is largely reversible now. Expensive but reversible.

 

[RM5998]

Yeah, I've felt the same way... I even have partial nailed (in theory, that is... I don't have an actual attempt yet to know whether something can go wrong in a run where I'm not pulling on the other end of the rope). I just can't find the courage to put my head in a noose and lean forward.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

I know it's lazy and idealistic but I just want a pill that is cheap and easily available that will peacefully send me to sleep forever.

Part of me thinks I am meant to suffer, that is why I have not succeeded so far.

I know that ctb by paracetamol is possible because my friend did it, but I attempted that many years ago and it was so painful, I hate to think of her in so much pain.

My cousin successfully ctb by quetiapine and diazepam then drowning last year but I don't have access to those drugs anymore. I have considered nytol od with alcohol and drowning but I'd have to travel which is becoming increasingly difficult because of agoraphobia- I haven't left my flat in nearly 2 weeks now.

I want to ctb but peacefully and painlessly and easily at home in my bed. Why does it have to be so difficult?

 

[khw777]

Same. I just feel like an idiot. Too useless to ctb myself, too useless to live.
But I am really hoping some of the people who won't be using their N by the expiration date will sell it at a discount...
Also paracetamol is not all hopeless.
Organ failure can qualify one for assisted suicide, if one cannot ctb successfully and merely causes liver damage. But even that is largely reversible now. Expensive but reversible.

So if you attempt suicide and damage your liver you can qualify for assisted suicide?

I know it's lazy and idealistic but I just want a pill that is cheap and easily available that will peacefully send me to sleep forever.

Part of me thinks I am meant to suffer, that is why I have not succeeded so far.

I know that ctb by paracetamol is possible because my friend did it, but I attempted that many years ago and it was so painful, I hate to think of her in so much pain.

My cousin successfully ctb by quetiapine and diazepam then drowning last year but I don't have access to those drugs anymore. I have considered nytol od with alcohol and drowning but I'd have to travel which is becoming increasingly difficult because of agoraphobia- I haven't left my flat in nearly 2 weeks now.

I want to ctb but peacefully and painlessly and easily at home in my bed. Why does it have to be so difficult?

Exactly why does it have to be so difficult!!!???

 

[Sweet emotion]

It feels like everything is so difficult, especially successful ctb. I can't afford N, I don't have access to the anti emetics for SN, nowhere in my flat lends itself to hanging, I don't understand the night night method, I don't have access to inert gas, if I can get over the si to jump I have to travel, if I want to drown I have to travel.

My Aunt has always maintained that if I really wanted to ctb I would have done it by now but not having thought about ctbing herself she has no idea that it is actually (or so it feels) quite difficult.

She has said that it would be easy to just get a load of paracetamol and overdose. But paracetamol is incredibly painful and can take a long time. I want to end my suffering not increase it by giving myself organ damage. To her this is just me saying that I don't really want to ctb.

I am at my wits end but I am also too exhausted to work out what to do.

My aunt has said the exact same thing to me. And she's wrong. She has no idea what I'm planning and then when I'm gone she will take me seriously...the only thing is I won't be here to be taken seriously anymore. It is terrifying this King about ending your life. I mean no one likes to think about it, even those who have done it. And you're right. All these methods are so difficult and I hear all these horror stories of what has happened to people that have tried and not succeeded. I wish you peace.

 

[n0505]

Same...I dont know where to buy meto.......i feel so bad