Venting Everything ready, cant bring myself to do it

[drag201]

I have it all. I have access to a shed with some strong thick rope and I have obsessively done research on hanging for the past months where I feel I have the knowledge to attempt and because it's whats most accessible to me. I cant bring myself to do it, but I want to so bad. I have nothing to live for, barely any important family or friends, no pets, no job, nothing. I'm so tired of waking up everyday and suicide has been the only thing on my mind for weeks and weeks on end. However, I just cannot bring myself to go and do it. I do NOT want to keep living at all but maybe im just scared of the fact that I will be the one taking my own life .. I don't know. I have thought and planned about this for so long and it's brought me peace knowing I can be put to rest one day yet I cant do it. All I do everyday is sit and rot and get drunk my life is awful. This is just a vent, everyday feels like a dead end and I'm getting cornered by the agony of life, but if anyone feels the same and is thinking about overcoming this I would love to hear your thoughts.

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

I feel the same, I don't know why I don't just do it. I've created this account to finally talk to people about it, but it's not like I hope someone will talk me out of it, I know I will do it. There is no other end for my existence.

 

[a.dream.of.a.dream]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I know very well the feelings you shared. I know many others on here do as well. Honestly, that's all i've got.

 

[sos]

what is it that you're not able to do?

yeah, the obvious answer is 'hang myself' but how far are you able to get?

do u like, stare at the rope and nothing more, or what is it like?

 

[drag201]

what is it that you're not able to do?

yeah, the obvious answer is 'hang myself' but how far are you able to get?

do u like, stare at the rope and nothing more, or what is it like?

Yes. Just put my head through it I guess, I dont even push down. After that I just stop thinking.

I feel the same, I don't know why I don't just do it. I've created this account to finally talk to people about it, but it's not like I hope someone will talk me out of it, I know I will do it. There is no other end for my existence.

Me too, exactly the same way. I don't want anyone or anything to save me from this, but at the same time it's so hard...

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

It is natural to feel this way. The survival instinct is hard to override unfortunately. It's called the survival instinct for a reason.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

So sorry.

It's the same for me but it's stemming from my ADHD and depression. I barely have the will power/motivation to get out of bed and shower, let alone the motivation to fly to Peru/Mexico to get my N for peaceful CTB.

I think we will get to a tipping point when the pain from carrying on living surpasses and overrides the survival instinct and that's when the magic happens.

 

[sometimesoon]

I have it all. I have access to a shed with some strong thick rope and I have obsessively done research on hanging for the past months where I feel I have the knowledge to attempt and because it's whats most accessible to me. I cant bring myself to do it, but I want to so bad. I have nothing to live for, barely any important family or friends, no pets, no job, nothing. I'm so tired of waking up everyday and suicide has been the only thing on my mind for weeks and weeks on end. However, I just cannot bring myself to go and do it. I do NOT want to keep living at all but maybe im just scared of the fact that I will be the one taking my own life .. I don't know. I have thought and planned about this for so long and it's brought me peace knowing I can be put to rest one day yet I cant do it. All I do everyday is sit and rot and get drunk my life is awful. This is just a vent, everyday feels like a dead end and I'm getting cornered by the agony of life, but if anyone feels the same and is thinking about overcoming this I would love to hear your thoughts.

Why do you think are the fundamental reasons you can't carry it through?

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

I feel the same for over 1,5 year now, superfrustrating. Tried to hang (partial) myself for over a 100 times, but can't manage passing out 'cause of SI. I gave up this method. Yesterday I received my SN, that gave my somewhat peace, so I can calmly wait for the right day.