Venting Everything feels surreal

[BBY]

So I have pretty much most of the stuff I need to ctb ready/planned out and these past few days have been surreal. I've been feeling extremely at ease with everything. It's probably the fact that all the stuff that used to drag me down don't matter anymore. Finding a job? Not necessarily. Talking to friends/family? Not necessarily. The doctor appointment I forgot to attend? Don't need to worry about that. My shoulders feel so much more lighter. I'm at peace with my fate and it feels so nice. I just wanna cry from relief. The end of my prolonged suffering is so close I just need to grasp it and take the last step. It's kind of scary but also so comforting.
I'm still not sure when exactly I'll do it but at leat almost everything is ready. It'll probably be a spur of the moment decision(like most of my choices lol) but I already know that despite the terror I feel now I'll be happy and glad that I did it. I know of feel like I'm a little kid waiting for Christmas.

 

[delusionalgirl]

I 100% know this feeling. Ever since I set the date and even knowing I can go before it just is a relief. Got more rope today and an employee asked how I was. My first genuine smile with a Im doing great.

 

[BBY]

I 100% know this feeling. Ever since I set the date and even knowing I can go before it just is a relief. Got more rope today and an employee asked how I was. My first genuine smile with a Im doing great.

I'm really happy for you!! I hope you find what you're looking for in death :]

 

[delusionalgirl]

I'm really happy for you!! I hope you find what you're looking for in death :]

Thank you :) I have 4 plans. All set up. Just going thru day to day motions to not give a heads up.

 

[Fktw0rld]

It is nice isn't it? I've been feeling the same way. Fu*k everything.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've always imagined it would be like that. I'm not quite there yet but knowing it's a likelihood in the future takes so much pressure off of things. I'm happy for you that you are enjoying the calmness.

 

[BBY]

It is nice isn't it? I've been feeling the same way. Fu*k everything.

It might me a little fckd up but it's feels kinda soothing to hear that others feel the same way lol

I've always imagined it would be like that. I'm not quite there yet but knowing it's a likelihood in the future takes so much pressure off of things. I'm happy for you that you are enjoying the calmness.

I really hope you enjoy the rest of your life!! Also, thank you :D

 

[Fktw0rld]

I've always imagined it would be like that. I'm not quite there yet but knowing it's a likelihood in the future takes so much pressure off of things. I'm happy for you that you are enjoying the calmness.

You'll get there. Its strange. You dread it, anticipate it, overthink it, then one morning you just wake up feeling light on your feet. Kinda like being constipated for a while then waking up one morning and dropping a monstrous turd.

The turd resembling society's opinion, your value for life and fear of death.

It might me a little fckd up but it's feels kinda soothing to hear that others feel the same way lol

I really hope you enjoy the rest of your life!! Also, thank you :D

Hey birds of a feather. That's what I say:)

Love and respect, my friend

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel so relieved at the thought of finally leaving, to me the only relief certainly lies in permanently not existing with everything forgotten about. I wish you the best with your plans.