I'm 4 very very generous vodkas into my day and the world is against me. I'm a self pitying mess and my life has fallen down around me in the matter of months. I've been accused of things I didn't do, have lost my kids, have a hate filled ex determined to do everything in her power to ruin my life and take my kids, and a current partner with bpd who takes every opportunity to kick me when I'm down.
In the last few months I've lost my job, my 50/50 shared occupancy agreement for my kids has gon tits up, I've been falsely accused of being an unfit parent, my current partner takes every opportunity to kick me when I'm down and take NO blame or responsibility for her actions. Basically I have lost everything I care about and it is becoming ever clearer the world would be a lot better off without me.
I am not blameless in all of this. In the past I have been a shitty partner, I've been a complete and utter arsehole in fact, I've had mental health issues that have negatively impacted those I care about, I've been less of a man I wanted to be and have failed where I shouldn't have. I take the blame and after deliberating and a lot of soul searching have decided the world would be a better place for everyone without me in it. I can't provide for my children, I think my presence on their lives will taint them (I keep being told I am the problem), i have tried and failed at being a better person when i do everything in my power to avoid conflict but i am told it is my fault so maybe I should just admit it is. My current partner has actually said she wished I had succeeded in killing myself and would actually help so obviously I am the problem.
I've come to the conclusion that the world would be better off without me. My children would have a better chance in life without me and my ex can raise our kids without me fucking it up. My current partner can live her life without me being a jobless leach feeding off her and bringing her down. She is right. The last time I tried to kill myself it would have been better if I had. I just want and need what I am feeling to end and to know that the people I care about will be so much better off without me.
I've tried my hardest to be a good dad and partner but have come up massively short and it has been made clear to me that I am the problem. So I am going to look through the pictures I have of my children and for the love I have for them try and remove myself from their life as I will only drag them down. I can't be who they need me to be, i am a negative influence on those around me and mess everything up.
Wish me good luck in completing what I failed to do 5yrs ago. It is time.
In the last few months I've lost my job, my 50/50 shared occupancy agreement for my kids has gon tits up, I've been falsely accused of being an unfit parent, my current partner takes every opportunity to kick me when I'm down and take NO blame or responsibility for her actions. Basically I have lost everything I care about and it is becoming ever clearer the world would be a lot better off without me.
I am not blameless in all of this. In the past I have been a shitty partner, I've been a complete and utter arsehole in fact, I've had mental health issues that have negatively impacted those I care about, I've been less of a man I wanted to be and have failed where I shouldn't have. I take the blame and after deliberating and a lot of soul searching have decided the world would be a better place for everyone without me in it. I can't provide for my children, I think my presence on their lives will taint them (I keep being told I am the problem), i have tried and failed at being a better person when i do everything in my power to avoid conflict but i am told it is my fault so maybe I should just admit it is. My current partner has actually said she wished I had succeeded in killing myself and would actually help so obviously I am the problem.
I've come to the conclusion that the world would be better off without me. My children would have a better chance in life without me and my ex can raise our kids without me fucking it up. My current partner can live her life without me being a jobless leach feeding off her and bringing her down. She is right. The last time I tried to kill myself it would have been better if I had. I just want and need what I am feeling to end and to know that the people I care about will be so much better off without me.
I've tried my hardest to be a good dad and partner but have come up massively short and it has been made clear to me that I am the problem. So I am going to look through the pictures I have of my children and for the love I have for them try and remove myself from their life as I will only drag them down. I can't be who they need me to be, i am a negative influence on those around me and mess everything up.
Wish me good luck in completing what I failed to do 5yrs ago. It is time.
