Everybody around me has successful lives

[Pure]

There's a balance between understanding that many people have struggles that are not publicly apparent and coming to terms that there are people who are in fact living the life you want without secretly harboring some issue.

For example, I am very very self conscious on not having a partner at my age of 24 when I see many people in my life and on social media showing off photos of them and their significant partners with plans to get married or be together long term with children. I am very well aware of stats concerning domestic violence and that people don't show the worst parts of their relationships on social media but it would be unhealthy to fantasize that these people are getting beaten by their significant others. How would I feel if I found the love of my life and I learned that somebody who was close to me was hoping that I was being abused? I would be upset. How would I feel if someone believed that this one aspect of my life being good meant that I had no other struggles? I would be upset.

Life is not fair. That's the reality of things. People are always going to have seemingly perfect lives, but it's important that we approach observing them with nuance. Case in point, people have told me that they believe that I have a successful and "perfect" life. This is truly shocking to me because of my generally severe depression and my struggles with body image. But from the most basic appearance of my life, it would seem that I am completely put together and living a perfect life. Very few of them would be able to comprehend that I regularly frequent this website to cope with my suicidality. But, the most important thing that we can do is to redirect the obsession we have with other people's lives into focusing on our own self improvement. Every time you think about your classmates, families, and friends at Oxford or working at the NHS or getting married at young ages, you instead need to redirect that energy into improving your own life. The best time to start anything is right now. I won't lie and say I'm perfect at that (again, I am on the website with you), it's fucking hard as hell, but I am making a better effort into focusing on improving what I consider to be inadequacies. Social media is toxic for this. I'd recommend limiting the time you spend online, especially on Instagram and Facebook which encourages people to curate a "perfect" image. Best thing would be to delete them entirely or at the very least, take time off from ever visiting the websites. If you run into a classmate or relative with a "perfect" life, who cares about it? Smile and be personable and I guarantee that the majority of them will not make assumptions about your life being allegedly shitty. The fact of the matter is, most people are too self centered to be thinking deeply about the state of other people's lives. We see the surface, and act accordingly.

Just remember that there are rich, beautiful successful people who have killed themselves and will continue to kill themselves, while there are people who are poor, not particularly attractive, and don't have society's standard for a successful life who are incredibly happy and would never give it up for instant wealth and fame. Surely that should be a reminder that the quality of one's life is dependent on more factors.

 

[Pluto]

The whole debate hinges on the definition of the word 'success'. It seems as though we are not encouraged to debate this, but to merely assume that looks/status/fortune is the be-all and end-all. It's not.

Many societies have sought to pronounce themselves as so great that a person can feel proud to be even a small cog in the engine room. This was a major difference with Communist societies versus the West. The notion of associating success with the narcissism of personal status (of "me" being "better" than others) is synonymous with modern US culture. The fact that even successful people within this system are often deeply unhappy is proof that it is not a watertight philosophy by any means. It should be OK to question it.

If we instead define success as a condition synonymous with happiness, it becomes something deeply personal which may not be something that others would approve of. To an artist, being immersed in the creative process is happiness. To the philanthropist, there is joy from bringing well-being to others. To a student of Eastern philosophy, inner stillness matters more than any amount of worldly adulation. In other words, society has brainwashed you to chase some mystical goal of being approved by everyone, only to cause you to lose yourself in the process.

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be"​

― Abraham Maslow

Having said all of that, it does seem important to function in the world to some extent. To have a means of income, to have enough human companionship, etc. The best advice I can give is to treat your life as an exercise in finding your truest self, and connecting with people at that level, rather than a game of pleasing others and hiding one's flaws.

 

[hummmingbird]

The definition of "success" is COMPLETELY up to your OWN view of what success should be - feel free to change your view at any time!!

 

[ncmxm]

Well. We don't actually know what's going inside their minds. There's a person I know how seemed to have a great lifestyle. Always happy and he started to talk about sui some weeks ago.

I get what you're saying and I agree, we can't know what people really feel like on the inside, but still I'd rather be successful on the outside and suicidal on the inside than a failure on the outside and suicidal in the inside ahahshsha